CDC Releases New Urgent Guidelines for “Safe and Healthy” Circle Jerking
ATLANTA, GEORGIA — The Centers for Disease Control have issued brand new, updated guidance ...
Town Shocked to Discover Local Pious Man Actually Just Raging Hypocrite
EL OSO GRANDE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — A small mountain town nestled in the mountains ...
Local Karen Reports 18 Suspicious Antifas Armed With Clubs Up to Gang Activity in Local Park
VIEJA BLANCA, CALIFORNIA — 59 year old Karen Boomerton was so alarmed by what ...
Mickey and Minnie Mouse Sue Disney After Being Hospitalized With COVID-19 Symptoms
WHORELANDO, FLORIDA — In what can surely be described as a truly unforeseen turn ...
Redskins Rename Themselves to Honor Those Offended by Team’s Name Change
After almost nine decades using it, the nickname of the NFL team based in ...
Babylon Bee Writer Laughing At “Blazing Saddles” for All The Wrong Reasons
Beau McGriff has been writing for the website known as The Babylon Bee for a few ...
CDC Study Shows Wearing a Mask Reduces Spreading Selfish Douchebaggery by 100%
HOTLANTA, GEORGIA — Researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention just released ...
If He Can’t Murder Whoever He Wants, Whenever He Wants, You’re On Your Own, Rape Victims
He’s a hero. Everyone he ever meets tells him he’s a hero. So why ...
Basic White Woman Who’s Never Interacted With Cops Against Defunding Them
LAS ESTUPIDAS BLANCAS, CALIFORNIA — 38 year old cosmetics consultant Christiana Vacaciones says she ...
Selfish Fuck Oppressed by Polite Request to Wear Face Mask in Public
ASSHOLE DOUCHEBAG TOWN, TEXAS — Scott Scooterson is a self-described “selfish fuck.” It’s important ...
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