CDC Releases New Urgent Guidelines for “Safe and Healthy” Circle Jerking

ATLANTA, GEORGIA — The Centers for Disease Control have issued brand new, updated guidance ...

Town Shocked to Discover Local Pious Man Actually Just Raging Hypocrite

EL OSO GRANDE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — A small mountain town nestled in the mountains ...

CDC Study Shows Wearing a Mask Reduces Spreading Selfish Douchebaggery by 100%

HOTLANTA, GEORGIA — Researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention just released ...

Basic White Woman Who’s Never Interacted With Cops Against Defunding Them

LAS ESTUPIDAS BLANCAS, CALIFORNIA — 38 year old cosmetics consultant Christiana Vacaciones says she ...

Selfish Fuck Oppressed by Polite Request to Wear Face Mask in Public

ASSHOLE DOUCHEBAG TOWN, TEXAS — Scott Scooterson is a self-described “selfish fuck.” It’s important ...