Tuesday, December 7, 2021

Monthly Archives: September, 2021

Golden Corral Taps Tucker Carlson to Promote “Patriot Binge and Purge” Loyalty Program

This week, Fox News will begin airing a docuseries produced by noted white nationalist trust fund baby Tucker Carlson entitled, Patriot Purge. In the docuseries, which is already garnering enormous backlash, Carlson advances the narrative that the events on January 6th,...

Trump: The Houston Astros Really Won Game 1 of the World Series

FARTS-A-LOT-THOUGH, FLORIDA -- Last night, according to the scoreboard, the Houston Astros lost Game 1 of the 2021 World Series to the Atlanta Braves. The official final score had the Braves with three runs to the one run scored...

Boebert Thought Planning Trump’s Insurrection Just Meant ‘Giving Boners to Some Dirty MAGAs’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Responding to a new bombshell report in Rolling Stone that indicates she participated in a plot to overturn last year's election, freshman Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) tried to bat away, deflect, and downplay the implications of the article. "Yeah,...

Op-Ed: “My Genitals Are Microscopic and It’s All George Soros’ Fault!”

The following editorial was submitted by the office of Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL). The views and opinions expressed herein are of that of Rep. Gaetz, the QAnon Cult, a certain twice-impeached reality-TV dipshit, and maybe Steve Bannon if Matt's...

White House Wants Sinema to Tell Them How Much Attention She Needs to Act Like a Democrat

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- If President Joe Biden wants his bold new progressive agenda to pass through Congress, all he needs is for every single one of his fellow Democrats in that separate but equal branch of government to be...

No, I’m Not Dressed as Marjorie Taylor Greene for Halloween. I’m Just a Horse.

Look, you'll have to look far and wide for someone who loves Halloween more than I love it. Of all the holidays we celebrate here, Halloween is one of my most favorite! I love the opportunity to become someone...

Nicki Minaj Says Her Cousin’s Friends Balls Are Southwest Pilots Who Walked Out Over Vaccines

One of MAGA America's favorite experts on the moisture level of vaginae and her cousin's friend's testicles may have tweeted something today that will only endear her even more to the red hatted cousins of the confederacy. "Don't want to...

Hannity Demands Full Audit of 1860 Presidential Election

Fox News host Sean Hannity told his radio audience today that he believes all fifty states in America should be conducting "rigorous, exhaustive audits" of the 2020 election. He also said "true patriots" won't stop there, though. They'll also...

Biden Tells Engineers They Can Reinstall White House Ramps and Stairs Now

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden has authorized White House engineers to reinstall ramps and stairways that the previous occupant was, according to documents published today, "too much of a chickenshit coward" to ascend or descend. "As you know, when...

Documents Reveal AT&T is a Major Financial Backer of KlanTV

DALLAS, TEXAS -- From its inception, One American News Network -- known more commonly by its initials, OANN, has not hidden it's very pro-MAGA biases. The news network's anchors and field reporters can often be found on Twitter spreading baseless...

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Biden Sells White House Naming Rights to Soros, Inc for $666 Trillion

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden signed an agreement today that authorizes a name change to the historic residence...