Saturday, January 22, 2022

Monthly Archives: November, 2021

Madison Cawthorn Grows Spine, Walks Out on Wife

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Claiming irreconcilable differences, North Carolina Congressman Madison Cawthorn, after 8 months of marriage, according to a press release from his office, has "found the courage to walk out on his wife." Cawthorn claimed that working a full time...

Brave, Maskless Patriot Would Rather Be Arrested Than Leave McDonald’s Without His McNuggets

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- At the time of publication, right-wing podcaster and self-described "Mega MAGA Patriot" Jethro Bohiggins is still in a tense, armed standoff with local authorities and employees at the McDonald's just a few blocks from...

DeSantis Orders Critical Race Theory Detectors Installed on Every Florida Campus

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q) is on a crusade to eliminate Critical Race Theory from his state's classrooms, even if it's not part of any public school curriculum. He's already introduced a bill similar to Texas' abortion...

Selected Excerpts from Mark Meadows’ January 6th Text Messages

Just how much the buzz about former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows' text messages from January 6th are getting outside the beltway isn't quite sure at this time. However, on the Hill, it's all anyone can talk...

Boebert Thinks Hillary Clinton Had the Fox News Christmas Tree Torched to Cover-Up Benghazi

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congressidiot Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) smells a rat, and she thinks the odor is emanating from the Fox News Christmas Tree's charred remains. Though a new tree was erected to much fanfare this weekend, conservative Americans still...

Trump Supporter: His Cousin Convinced Him to Get Vaccinated By Withholding Sex

FT. IVERMECTIN, KENTUCKY -- For months, the Biden administration has grappled with how, exactly, to convince millions of Americans to get a COVID-19 vaccine. Despite their best efforts, vaccination became politicized with the help of former President Don Trump...

Biden Sells White House Naming Rights to Soros, Inc for $666 Trillion

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden signed an agreement today that authorizes a name change to the historic residence he currently calls home. With a stroke of his pen, and the exchange of nearly $670 trillion, Biden's home will...

Qanon Shaman Left Waiting for Q Instructions After Being Sentenced

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a shocking turn of events, the Qanon Shaman was sentenced to three years in prison for his role in the January 6th attack on the US Capitol. However, our research has found that Q was unable...

In Hindsight, Crossing Horse, Demon, and Nazi DNA Was Probably a Bad Idea

The following is an excerpt from a new book entitled, "Making a Monster," written by Dr. Benson Hornaydieux of the American Institute of Genetic Research. In his new book, Dr. Hornaydieux reveals some rather earth shattering details about freshman...

Supreme Court To Carefully Consider Pros, Cons Of Forcing Teens to Have Fathers’ Rape Babies

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- For the first time in decades, the United States Supreme Court will hear oral arguments this morning in a case that could have a transformative effect on abortion rights in America. Since 1973, every woman living in...

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Matt Walsh is Thinking Very Deeply About Your Genitals. Just Like Jesus.

This week, Daily Caller columnist and podcaster Matt Walsh -- a devout evangelical Christian conservative -- appeared on The Dr. Phil...