Saturday, January 22, 2022

Monthly Archives: December, 2022

Matt Walsh is Thinking Very Deeply About Your Genitals. Just Like Jesus.

This week, Daily Caller columnist and podcaster Matt Walsh -- a devout evangelical Christian conservative -- appeared on The Dr. Phil Show and got into a heated exchange with transgender rights activists, including two transgender women. Walsh repeatedly asserted that the women...

Ever Since My Butthole Started Following MTG on Facebook, It’s Spewed the Dumbest Shit

In hind(end)sight, giving my rectum its own Facebook account has come back to bite me squarely in the ass. Maybe I should have known better, but as you'll see from reading this story, I was really put in quite...

Rand Paul Tried to Filibuster Sunrise on MLK Day

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, Sen. Rand Paul (Q-KY) stood on the Senate floor and attempted to forestall the beginning of Martin Luther King Day by filibustering the sunrise. Sources close to Paul say that he had been planning...

23andMe Finds DNA Link Between Jim Crow and Kyrsten Sinema

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- A new bombshell report from genetic testing company 23andMe indicates that a sitting, Democratic Senator is a distant relative of Jim Crow. At a press conference held just hours ago, 23andMe spokesperson William Chili...

Tucker Carlson Will Only Spend Angelou Quarters Once He Spends the Ones with White Guys On Them

Fox News host and trust fund white supremacist Tucker Carlson inherited wealth that equates to, as one economist once described it, a "shitload of quarters." Carlson, an heir to the Swanson Foods empire, has a net worth estimated in the...

If You Hear Your Uncle Say This Three Word Phrase, Get Him to a Neurologist ASAP!

Knowing the signs of life-threatening medical emergencies can save your life, and the lives of those you love. Being able to recognize when someone is experiencing a cardiac or neurological event may be a matter of life and death. According...

History: One Year Ago, a President Suffered Humiliating Insurrectile Dysfunction

In American history, there are many dates that carry more importance than others. July 4th, December 7th, and September 11th are some of the most famous and infamous. Last year, exactly one year ago, January 6th joined those dates...

Twitter: MTG Is Allowed One Account Per IQ Point

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Last week, Twitter made headlines when it permanently banned the personal account of a sitting congresspony. Citing her repeated posts that spread COVID-19 disinformation, Twitter announced that they had permanently disabled the personal account...

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Matt Walsh is Thinking Very Deeply About Your Genitals. Just Like Jesus.

This week, Daily Caller columnist and podcaster Matt Walsh -- a devout evangelical Christian conservative -- appeared on The Dr. Phil...