Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Nation’s Airports Suffering From Revolutionary War Travel Numbers

DENVER, COLORADO —  A recent study done on our nation’s airports have painted a very dismal picture. According to the “2020 Study on Passenger Travel Statistics”, United States airports reported the least amount of traffic since the height of the Revolutionary War.

Ted Basil, Denver International Airport’s Director of Operations and Customer Service, led the study to address the impact Coronavirus had on sky travelers.

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“While we expected the 92% drop in international travel from February to December,” said Basil, “we weren’t quite expecting our domestic travelers to shutter down much like they did during the most violent episodes of the Revolutionary War.”

“Back in those days, the days following the Bowling Green Massacre,” Basil, speaking in front of the mural dedicated to the Covfefe Brigade located in the West Terminal of DIA continued, “much of our nation’s airports were under constant attack. The brave men of the Covfefe Brigade, as well as the Hamberder Platoon, helped not only clear the airways for our citizens, but helped shape the future of domestic travel as we know it.”

While the study did accurately portray a bleak winter for the airline industry, Basil did seem optimistic moving forward.

“We have to remember, air travel is the fastest and safest way to traverse this amazing and beautiful country. We need to reach back generations to what our forefathers did. We mustn’t forget the sacrifices that were made. If we can be victorious in the skies against the British in the first ever Top Gun dog fight of 1781, surely we can be victorious over an invisible and fake virus.”

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