Thursday, June 8, 2023

Area Libertarian Still Calls His Mom ‘Mother’

Houston, TX — A 48-year-old Houston man surprised his coworkers after referring to his mom as ‘mother’ during a recent telephone call. Jeffry Woodward, who is a self-proclaimed Libertarian, received a call from his mom late last week at oil industry services company Texan Energy. After a heated debate about Christmas plans, Mr. Woodward repeatedly referred to her as ‘Mother.”

“It made everyone in the office really uncomfortable,” claimed fellow cubical worker David Anderson who overheard the entire 10 minute conversation. “We was clearly upset and kept saying things like, ‘yes, mother” and ‘you always contradict me mother.’ It didn’t seem appropriate office talk, if you ask me.”

During the conversation, office workers were treated to several developmentally latent and over-compensated phrases such as “yes, mother, I know” and “why do you always say that about me mother?” and this gem, “Mother, Ayn Rand is not a fantasy novel. She’s a great writer.”

Recent Research into ‘Mommy Issues’

Several recent studies have confirmed that overbearing mothers have a unique and important impact on their adult Libertarian sons. Due to constant discipline and corrective measures, as their sons age they become increasingly resistant to central control and rules.

More interestingly, they tend to, in the words of a recent University of Chicago study, tend to “disassociate” using “cognitive escape mechanisms” to avoid conflict.

“It seems that people of anarcho-capitalist tendencies tend to be stone cold rationalists, at least in their minds,” said Professor James Badwater of the Badwater Institute for Public Policy and Social Order. “Their upbringing with strong mothers and relatively weak father figures tends to weaken their sense of empathy, transforming it into a kind of cold, cruel objectivity. It also seems to make them impossible to be around at school functions and social gatherings.”

According to Mr. Woodward, he sees nothing wrong with calling his mom ‘mother’, however he admits she gets under his skin.

“She knows how to push my buttons,” said a frustrated Mr. Woodward. “She never listens to me. And when I try to get my point across, she just tells me things like ‘oh Jeffry, you always say that and look where it got you.’ It makes me so mad.”

Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue, and seldom loses. Mostly because he's well informed. And somewhat gassy
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