Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Area Man Misinterprets Wife’s Request for a Facial

Tustin, CA — Tustin husband and father of three Jarrett Roush had a lot of explaining to do when he accidentally misunderstood his wife’s request for a facial on their 14th wedding anniversary this past week. According to longtime family friend Harry Perez, Mr. Roush was extremely embarrassed about the situation.

“Yeah, Jarrett’s a good guy, you know?” said Mr. Perez speaking with Gish Gallop earlier this week. “He thought he understood what she wanted, you know. And he really wanted to give it to her, but then she’s like, ‘that’s not what I wanted at all.’ Boy I really feel bad for him.”

Earlier in the week, Carolyn Roush started hinting about what she wanted for their big day. It’s well-known that Jarrett has forgotten previous anniversaries, so Ms. Roush started leaving notes around the house to remind him.

“I’m pretty bad at remembering things like this. I’m bad at remembering anything,” laughed Mr. Roush as he scratched his head. “I mean, the notes really helped, you know? It’s just that I got it all backwards.”

According to Ms. Roush, he got it all wrong.

“I don’t know how he could have gotten it so wrong,” said Carolyn. “He brought me this gift certificate to Tustin Spas. And it even came in this basket with fresh soaps and citrus body lotions. But what I wanted was his man power all over my face. You know, good, old-fashioned man-spunk. Just like in the porn flicks, you know? To be honest I can’t believe he didn’t get it.”

As for Mr. Roush, he took to Facebook to share his embarrassment.

“I didn’t know what to do, so I sent a few text messages and then I posted ‘I’m sorry babe’ on her Facebook wall. She’s forgiven me, but I’m not going to let this happen again. You can put your money on that.”

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is a Media and Cultural editor and writer. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, "Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit." Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.
Must Read


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Latest News

God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman's killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter's manifesto included...

More Articles Like This