Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Area Woman Asks Jesus to Protect Trump. Jesus Says No

Topeka, KS — Karen Waters of Topeka, Kansas prays daily for the safety and security of Donald Trump. Ms. Waters, a born-again evangelical Christian, asked Jesus this past week to watch over the President and protect him from the forces of evil.

“God bless you Mr. President. I love you beyond words,” wrote Ms. Waters on a Facebook post. “So thankful that Jesus Christ appointed you for this nation. I need you and we need Jesus and love how you follow the lead of Jesus. That is the reason God appointed you. Thank you for working so hard for us and giving up your life for us. We love you and will continue to lift you up in prayer. I pray to Jesus that he protects and guides you. Jesus deliver our President from the evil of the Satanist Democrats.”

Surprising many, including Ms. Waters, was Jesus’ swift response.


“No,” said Jesus in a short tweet, tagging Ms. Waters (@karenthebeliever). “And please stop asking,” he continued.

Jesus Mistaken?

The response sent shock waves through both President Trump’s base, but also Christendom, as this is the first time in almost 2000 years that the founder of his namesake religion has spoken. Despite what appears to be a modern miracle, Ms. Waters was nonplussed.

“I am disappointed. I can’t lie,” said Ms. Waters. “Perhaps Jesus was having a bad day. Or watching CNN. God Bless our POTUS. Our President is not perfect. But he’s protecting us from rapists and terrorists from Mexico. Jesus needs to educate himself.”

Jesus’s short and to-the-point response was more than likely due to the President’s less-than-Christ-like behavior. Trump has called Mexicans “rapists.” He’s called reporters the “enemy of the people.” He mocked a disabled person on the campaign trail. He constantly calls his opponents childish names. The only people he likes are the ones who pledge their loyalty to him and even they’re disposable to him after a while.

In related news, Jesus Christ’s new Twitter account has surpassed over 1 billion followers in response to his recent tweet.

Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue, and seldom loses. Mostly because he's well informed. And somewhat gassy
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