Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Adam Hawkes

Qanon Shaman Left Waiting for Q Instructions After Being Sentenced

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a shocking turn of events, the Qanon Shaman was sentenced to three years in prison for his role in the January 6th attack on the US Capitol. However, our research has found that Q was unable...

Princess Celestia Declares Ivermectin Shortage in the Pony Realm

CANTERLOT, EQUESTRIA --  In an early morning press release issued today, Head of State Princess Celestia congratulated Big Bird on their recent vaccination. "We celebrate Big Birds decision to receive the newly approved Pfizer vaccine and hope all mythical creatures...

Trump to Spend Romantic International Women’s Day With The Woman He Loves Most

"If you thought the spread at the Clemson ceremony was impressive, just you wait until you see what he’s got in store for Ivanka."

Devastated Underage Dominican Prostitutes Left Out Of Limbaugh’s Will

SANTO DOMINGO, DOMINICAN REPUBLIC -- In a shocking blow to the country, it is rumored that Rush Limbaugh's will left out his favorite Dominican past time: Underage prostitutes. Victoria Smelling, a leading black market travel agent, had been dealing with...

Florida Drug Dealer Faces Financial Hardships

PALM BEACH, FLORIDA -- Ronald Crabtree, a low level Oxycontin street dealer, sits in a second hand LazyBoy recliner, shuffling through a Rolodex. "This one here.  I've got stories about him," Crabtree tells us. " Lets just say this guy...

God Cancels Rush Limbaugh

PALM BEACH, FLORIDA -- In breaking news, we have learned that conservatives across the United States have disavowed “God” after He cancelled Rush Limbaugh. A statement, released by God’s assistant Jermaine, reads in part “…there just comes a time where you...

“Cat Lawyer” Added to Trump’s Shortlist of New Legal Team

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rumors are spreading wildly as it seems Trump is moving forward with firing his second legal team while also hiring "Cat Lawyer," man that made international headlines this past week. According to inside sources, Trump, the defeated and...

Nation’s Airports Suffering From Revolutionary War Travel Numbers

DENVER, COLORADO --  A recent study done on our nation’s airports have painted a very dismal picture. According to the "2020 Study on Passenger Travel Statistics", United States airports reported the least amount of traffic since the height of...

No More Diet Cokes or Adderall at the Push of a Button in Biden’s White House

WASHINGTON D.C. -- Amongst the many changes being made in the Oval Office, White House officials confirmed the removal of Donald Trumps “Diet Coke Button”, and the less visible “Adderall Switch”. The Diet Coke Button, first reported by CNN, was placed...

Closest McDonald’s Franchise to the White House Files Bankruptcy

CAPITOL HILL --  McDonald's general manager, Richard Reid, says with the former president leaving the White House, the restaurants future looks bleak. "He was our number one customer," Reid states. "Between honoring world class athletes with thousands of dollars worth...

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Biden Sells White House Naming Rights to Soros, Inc for $666 Trillion

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden signed an agreement today that authorizes a name change to the historic residence...
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