James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Mob Storms Local Taco Bell Demanding Mexican Pizzas

FORT PHARDT, INDIANA — An angry, maksed mob appeared at a local Taco Bell ...

Local Witch Casts “ShutTheFuckUpicus Totallus” Curse on JK Rowling

GODRIC’S HOLLOW, LONDON, UK, THE WIZARDING WORLD — While it’s unclear at this time ...

CDC Releases New Urgent Guidelines for “Safe and Healthy” Circle Jerking

ATLANTA, GEORGIA — The Centers for Disease Control have issued brand new, updated guidance ...

Town Shocked to Discover Local Pious Man Actually Just Raging Hypocrite

EL OSO GRANDE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — A small mountain town nestled in the mountains ...

CDC Study Shows Wearing a Mask Reduces Spreading Selfish Douchebaggery by 100%

HOTLANTA, GEORGIA — Researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention just released ...