James Schlarmann 
Mob Storms Local Taco Bell Demanding Mexican Pizzas
FORT PHARDT, INDIANA — An angry, maksed mob appeared at a local Taco Bell ...
Local Witch Casts “ShutTheFuckUpicus Totallus” Curse on JK Rowling
GODRIC’S HOLLOW, LONDON, UK, THE WIZARDING WORLD — While it’s unclear at this time ...
Trans Woman Unsure If JK Rowling Wants Her to Identify With Voldemort or Harry Now
CHERRY FALLS, RHODE ISLAND — Sheila Williams loves Harry Potter, and she loves the ...
CDC Releases New Urgent Guidelines for “Safe and Healthy” Circle Jerking
ATLANTA, GEORGIA — The Centers for Disease Control have issued brand new, updated guidance ...
Town Shocked to Discover Local Pious Man Actually Just Raging Hypocrite
EL OSO GRANDE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — A small mountain town nestled in the mountains ...
Local Karen Reports 18 Suspicious Antifas Armed With Clubs Up to Gang Activity in Local Park
VIEJA BLANCA, CALIFORNIA — 59 year old Karen Boomerton was so alarmed by what ...
Mickey and Minnie Mouse Sue Disney After Being Hospitalized With COVID-19 Symptoms
WHORELANDO, FLORIDA — In what can surely be described as a truly unforeseen turn ...
Redskins Rename Themselves to Honor Those Offended by Team’s Name Change
After almost nine decades using it, the nickname of the NFL team based in ...
Babylon Bee Writer Laughing At “Blazing Saddles” for All The Wrong Reasons
Beau McGriff has been writing for the website known as The Babylon Bee for a few ...
CDC Study Shows Wearing a Mask Reduces Spreading Selfish Douchebaggery by 100%
HOTLANTA, GEORGIA — Researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention just released ...
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