James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Trump Asks If It’s Too Late to Run Election on “Golf Scoring”

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

author_avatar
James Schlarmann
0 comments 0 Shares

Trump Demands States Only Tally Biden Votes as High as His Base Can Count

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

author_avatar
James Schlarmann
0 comments 0 Shares

Mother Checks Purse for Drugs Before Taking Her Kids Trick or Treating

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

author_avatar
James Schlarmann
0 comments 0 Shares

Brett Kavanaugh Had Really Wrong Idea Why Some Call Amy Coney Barrett a “Super Spreader”

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

author_avatar
James Schlarmann
0 comments 0 Shares

Mob Storms Local Taco Bell Demanding Mexican Pizzas

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

author_avatar
James Schlarmann
0 comments 0 Shares

Local Witch Casts “ShutTheFuckUpicus Totallus” Curse on JK Rowling

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

author_avatar
James Schlarmann
0 comments 0 Shares

Trans Woman Unsure If JK Rowling Wants Her to Identify With Voldemort or Harry Now

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

author_avatar
James Schlarmann
0 comments 0 Shares

CDC Releases New Urgent Guidelines for “Safe and Healthy” Circle Jerking

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

author_avatar
James Schlarmann
0 comments 0 Shares

Town Shocked to Discover Local Pious Man Actually Just Raging Hypocrite

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

author_avatar
James Schlarmann
0 comments 0 Shares

Local Karen Reports 18 Suspicious Antifas Armed With Clubs Up to Gang Activity in Local Park

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

author_avatar
James Schlarmann
0 comments 0 Shares

Receive notifications of new posts by email.

Recently Published

Can’t Follow Trump’s Legal Arguments? Try Smoking This Drug.

James Schlarmann 0

Trump Campaign Legal Team Scouring Constitution for ‘Stamping Feet and Holding Breath’ Clause

James Schlarmann 0

Obama Sends Trump Pop-Up Book Version of His Memoir

James Schlarmann 0

Florida Swamp and New York Dump Finalists for Trump Presidential Library

James Schlarmann 0

Biden Legally Changes Middle Name to “Fuck Trump”

James Schlarmann 0
Archives
Not Really.News
Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. Lorem Ipsum has been the industry's standard dummy text ever since the 1500s.