James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Bill Gates Offers to Buy and Delete Elon Musk

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

Report: Ow! Fuck! Pins and Needles!

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

Man on COVID Quarantine Really Missing Taco Bell Shits

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

Participants Agree Zoom Orgy Only 30% Less Creepy Than In-Person One

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

Jesus Sees Image of Potato Chip in Bathroom Mirror

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

Local Couple: Sex Was Really Good Until Husband Got Involved

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

CDC Suggests Chronic Masturbators Replace Regular Lube With Hand Sanitizer

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...

Local Cannibal Experiencing COVID-19 Panic

This article is monetized and some content is for Coil Members only.Get Coil to ...