James Schlarmann

Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

Toddler Doesn’t Give a Fuck

LINCOLN, INDIANA — He doesn’t give a fuck.  He doesn’t give a fuck what ...

Local Woman Refuses to Accept Trophy for World’s Most Stubborn Person

RECALCITRANT FALLS, MINNESOTA — Last month, Cheryl Sherer won a highly-coveted prize from the ...

Local Man Not Sure He’ll Get a Return on All the Money He Invested in His Son

CARMEL VALLEY RANCH, CALIFORNIA — He never expected to recoup every single cent he ...

Trump Orders Toyota to Produce Vaccine for “Corollavirus”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald J. Trump has issued and official presidential demand to ...

Coronavirus Update: CDC Strongly Urges People to Stop Licking Each Other’s Nostrils

WASHINGTON, D.C — The Centers for Disease Control have issued a strong advisory warning ...

Man: “You’re Voting for the Wrong Person You Fucking Idiot”

The following is an editorial opinion piece written by Dick Whistler, a local man ...