Saturday, April 10, 2021

Ron Johnson: “I Shouldn’t Have to Take My Hood and Robes Off to Prove I’m not Racist!”

"What makes me racist is my racist views of non-white people! But I didn't even say any of that stuff on the radio last week!"
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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James Schlarmann

Nothing Out Of The Ordinary Happens After California Man Smokes Legal Weed

RAIN CANYON, CALIFORNIA -- Authorities in California are confirming that over the weekend a man partook of legal, recreational marijuana. California State authorities are...

Woman Tends To Cuss A Lot When You Act Like A G##damned F##king S###headed C##k-Faced Tw#twaffle

Megan Hofer, 35 years old and from Santa Chingada, California, admits that she has a "potty mouth." According to Megan, however, her tendency to...

Sex Toys “R” Us Announces Record Profits And Dozens Of Store Openings

This story was first published on Satirical Facts. BONE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Retail giant Sex Toys "R" Us has announced that they are not shutting down...

New Restaurant Caters To Anti-Vaxxers With A Taste For Tide Pods

This story was first published on The Pastiche Post. SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- At Maison Des Gens Stupides, Chef Roy Ardi says his culinary inspiration is...

Future SpaceX Projects Will Be Funded With Sales Of New Cologne: “Elon’s Musk”

This morning, billionaire entrepreneur and inventor Elon Musk watched another one of his SpaceX rockets blast off into the cosmos. Falcon 9 lifted off...

Typing “Go Fuck Yourself” On Facebook Now Unleashes A Stream Of Cute Little Animated Dildos

SWILLYCORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Social media giant Facebook is constantly trying to improve the experience its billions of users have every day on the...

Post Office Announces New “Whatever” Stamps For Customers Who Just Can’t Right Now

The United States Postal Service has announced that they are adding a new type of stamp to the postage available for purchase at all...

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