Thursday, June 1, 2023

Look at This Obsequious, Pudgy Cunt Corrupting Our Justice Department at the Behest of His Pudgy Cunt Boss

The following is a profane op-ed written by some fuck-o who owns this website:

Just look at this obsequious, pudgy cunt. He’s out there, taking money from you, me, and the rest of Joe Blow America, and acting like he doesn’t owe us anything in return. That doughy, bug-eyed heap of mendacity and corruption in a fine tailored suit is behaving like his pudgy cunt boss is the one who pays his salary, and not us. Roger Stone committed acts that could be easily be considered treacherous, perhaps even treasonous. Stone did everything in his beady-eyed little ratfuck power to help corrupt our election, and then lied and stonewalled our justice department — the very same department that Fred Flintstone looking cock wart is the head of — for a year or so. 

If anyone deserves having the book thrown at him, it’s Roger Stone. The man has lived his life for nearly five decades acting like nothing he does can be judged as immoral, improper, or illegal. Which makes his partnership with the white collar crook in chief so poetically perfect. All of this is why someone like the bulging bulky bastard running the DOJ would fit in with them. He’s never had a problem selling out the country if it scores him points with the president, no matter how corrupt the president is.

The president, that orange-flocked twat knuckle, clearly told the servile fascist toady in charge of the Department of Justice to take his thumb out of the president’s asshole and place it down forthwith on the scales of justice in Stone’s trial. First, Fatfuck McGee tweet-whined about Stone’s sentence, and then miraculously the same day the obsequious pudgy cunt Attorney General did his master’s bidding. The DOJ argued just yesterday that Stone deserves nine years behind bars, but thanks to Roger’s lowlife friends in high places, it looks like it’s going to be about half that.

As pathetically transparent as the attorney general is being, he’s also being cliche and boring as fuck. Anyone who knew a thing about him before Smallhands Stupidfuck put him in charge of the DOJ knew what a corrupt, contemptible ass cleanser he is. He’s been the president’s bag man in every administration he’s served, and he wrote one of the most obviously pandering memos in order to put himself on He Who Would Fuck His Daughter’s radar. This is what he was born to do, apparently, corrupt our department of justice.

So what can Americans do about this, you might be wondering. For starters, you can stop pretending your institutions will save you, because they can’t if they’ve been given the same treatment our commander in chief gives everything he involves himself in, namely breaking it and then shitting on the pieces while his idiot children fight over the scraps. Then, you can vote. You can vote your ass off, like your republic depends on it. Come November, if your perfect candidate isn’t on the ballot, you can still vote. Crazy, huh? In this country, you actually get to vote even if your absolutely pure candidate didn’t make it to November.

Then, once you cast your vote, be prepared to take to the streets if the most unpopular and least popularly elected regime in American history doesn’t willingly give up power. You can test that whole “power to the people” thing out. There are no guarantees in life, but a heaping helping of unrelenting, angry protest might do the trick. But in the meantime, before November, you can help flood the Department of Justice with demands that the kowtowing fatfuck attorney general resign. 

Here’s the message line to call: 202-353-1555

You don’t have to be polite. You pay for that hotline. You pay for the piece of shit in charge of it’s salary. You are allowed to call him an obsequious cunt if you want. The First Amendment still allows that kind of salty talk…for now. So exercise your rights before you lose them.

You can also flood your congressional reps’ switchboards too. Tweet them. Send them Facebook messages. If you live nearby, go stand as close to their office as you can and scream your goddamn head off. Some very bad people have control over some very important parts of our system of government, and it’s only going to be worse if we give up, or stop paying attention…so don’t do that.

You don’t have to listen to me. I’m just a court jester blathering into the wind on a website. But right here and right now is where the rubber should start hitting the road with the American people. If you thought the Supreme Court settling an election was bad, if you thought Mitch McConnell fucking a black Democrat president out of a Supreme Court pick was awful…you ain’t seen nothin’ yet, fam.

Stay angry.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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