Los Angeles, CA — During the 16th annual SoCal Rapid-Read, a convention that gathers speed reading enthusiasts from all over the world, conservative commentator Ben Shapiro broke the record for world’s fastest bumper sticker reader. What shocked both his fans and convention attendees, is that this is the second time the young conservative starlet has broken the prestigious record.
Three years ago, Shapiro then 31, read an astonishing 420 bumper stickers in 9 minutes and 14 seconds, shattering the previous high mark of 320 in ten minutes by Billy Flimmers of Kentucky. During this year’s event, he chattered-off more than 540 of them in 7 minutes and 54 seconds.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said attendee, MGTOW activist and Ben Shapiro Fan Club Vice President Felton L. Limpsker, 29 of Newport Beach, CA. “I mean he tore through them faster than an ANTIFA protester at an NRA rally. He was reading them all at breakneck speeds. There were pro-gun ones and a lot of pro-Israel ones. I died when her read, ‘Israelis like to build. Arabs like to bomb crap and live in open sewage’ in under 1 second flat.”
Always entertaining, Mr. Shapiro entertained the crowd of over 400 who cheered him on with synchronized chants of “Ben, Ben, Ben.” At one point, when presented with a series of eight feminist bumper stickers, the quick-thinking Shapiro raised this voice to a shrill pitch to the delight of the men-only audience.
“Oh that was the best!” Exclaimed Mr. Limpsker. “He got all whiny when he got to the Femi-nazi ones. We were dying. And he never missed a beat. And then he switch to his angry voice when he read ‘throw the abortionists in jail.’ He read 500 words per minute, but we could understand him. Ben’s just like that.”
Along with breaking the record, Mr. Shapiro will receive a cash prize of $800.00, which he used to buy the meals of 100 patrons at the Irvine, CA In-n-Out Burger. He was overheard casting aspersions on Chick-fil-A while ordering an animal-style Double-double hamburger. (Mr. Shapiro is a huge fan of the burger chain and has spoken about his dislike for Chick-fil-A, calling their sandwiches “boring and flavorless.”)