Thursday, March 30, 2023

Biden Legally Changes Middle Name to “Fuck Trump”

HAWKEYE, DELAWARE — Today, President-elect Joe Biden did what his transition team is calling “some light housekeeping paperwork” ahead of his inauguration on January 21st, 2021.

The legal paperwork necessary to file in order to change one’s name has been filed by Mr. Biden in Delaware’s court system. According to the legal briefs, Biden intends to officially change his middle name. He’s hoping that the name change can be fast-tracked through the courts so that it has taken effect in time for his swearing-in in the nation’s capital.

RELATED: Democratic Operative Regrets Rigging Election for Mitch McConnell to Retain Senate Control

“There will be a lot of time spent during the first few days, weeks, and months, just fixing what the previous regime broke,” one source close to the Biden transition team told us today, “and he thought it would be a fun little game to play where every time he signs his name on official documents, like executive orders, the words ‘Fuck Trump’ would appear on them.”

So Biden decided the best way to accomplish the goal of having every document that shreds Trump’s legacy bear the insult was to incorporate it into his own name. While Biden has been running on uniting the country, our source says he is “keenly and uniquely aware of the kind of toxic garbage person” Trump is, and feels he can go out of his way to troll and taunt Trump, and most Americans would completely agree with his decision to do so.

“Donald Trump is the least popularly elected president of all time. He ran for president two times and put himself in the record books as the man who had the most votes cast against him of any candidate for president in our nation’s history,” our source explained. “So, yeah, we’re confident that Joe can still unite the country and talk shit on Trump forever. Frankly, we have data that shows the quickest way to unite the country is to shit on Trump. It might replace football and baseball as our national pastimes.”

The White House did not respond to requests for comment on this story.

MORE: Fox News Promises Trump They’ll Call Him “President” Even After Biden’s Sworn In and Dismantles His Legacy

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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