HAWKEYE, DELAWARE — Today, President-elect Joe Biden did what his transition team is calling “some light housekeeping paperwork” ahead of his inauguration on January 21st, 2021.
The legal paperwork necessary to file in order to change one’s name has been filed by Mr. Biden in Delaware’s court system. According to the legal briefs, Biden intends to officially change his middle name. He’s hoping that the name change can be fast-tracked through the courts so that it has taken effect in time for his swearing-in in the nation’s capital.
“There will be a lot of time spent during the first few days, weeks, and months, just fixing what the previous regime broke,” one source close to the Biden transition team told us today, “and he thought it would be a fun little game to play where every time he signs his name on official documents, like executive orders, the words ‘Fuck Trump’ would appear on them.”
So Biden decided the best way to accomplish the goal of having every document that shreds Trump’s legacy bear the insult was to incorporate it into his own name. While Biden has been running on uniting the country, our source says he is “keenly and uniquely aware of the kind of toxic garbage person” Trump is, and feels he can go out of his way to troll and taunt Trump, and most Americans would completely agree with his decision to do so.
“Donald Trump is the least popularly elected president of all time. He ran for president two times and put himself in the record books as the man who had the most votes cast against him of any candidate for president in our nation’s history,” our source explained. “So, yeah, we’re confident that Joe can still unite the country and talk shit on Trump forever. Frankly, we have data that shows the quickest way to unite the country is to shit on Trump. It might replace football and baseball as our national pastimes.”
The White House did not respond to requests for comment on this story.
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.