Tuesday, May 30, 2023

To Discourage Another Attack, Biden May Taken Oath of Office in a Science Class

This story has been reprinted with full permission from The Pastiche Post.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After last week’s deadly domestic terror attack on the U.S. Capitol, authorities in charge of next week’s inauguration of Joe Biden as the 46th President of the United States are reportedly hyperfocused on the security surrounding the event. It’s quite logical after a violent uprising, incited by the soon-to-be-former president, to have an eye on what it will take to prevent another such deadly event from taking place. According to several sources with knowledge of the situation, D.C. officials are looking at several ways to discourage angry, violent MAGA cult members from carrying out an attack on Inauguration Day.

Some of the discussions being had are around which venue to use for the purpose of administering the oath of office to Biden and his Vice President, Senator Kamala Harris (D-CA). After watching thousands of angry Trump supporters storm the capitol, officials are telling news outlets they understand it might be necessary to not hold a public ceremony, lessening the chances of a terror attack while either Biden or Harris are taking their oath. What they’re looking for is a place that would “naturally discourage” Trump supporters from even setting foot on the grounds.

MORE: Biden to Dismantle McDonald’s Kitchen the Previous Administration Installed

“There are places that serve as, sort of, nature’s barriers to certain predators. When it comes to venue security, some of the same rules apply,” D.C Metro Police Deputy Captain Skip Malloy told reporters at a press conference discussing the logistics of next week, “and as such, we’ve started to look for and identify businesses and other establishments that might naturally discourage Trump supporters from even showing up.”

It didn’t take long for the powers that be to zero-in on a school for the site of the inauguration. Republicans, particularly Trumpian ones, have long decried education as a tool of liberal indoctrination. However, to be as sure as possible that Trump supporters stay clear of the venue, Malloy says that a specific kind of classroom is what’s being most seriously considered.

“They’re thinking a science classroom would be kind of pitch perfect, really. It would be like building a room out of kryptonite to keep Superman out,” Malloy explained. “There are few things that repulse a Trumper more than scientific fact. After that, there’s mathematical fact and just plain old, every day fact. They even hate fax machines.”

Joe Biden will be sworn-in as the 46th President of the United States at noon on January 20th, 2021.

RELATED: Instead of a Library, Trump Wants to Open a Presidential Hooters Franchise


Like what you read? Consider signing up for my free newsletter, becoming a paid Facebook subscriber, or signing up for my Patreon.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
Must Read


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Latest News

God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman's killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter's manifesto included...

More Articles Like This