Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Biden Directs Space Force to Stop Its ‘McDonald’s on the Moon’ Program

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Space Force will no longer be developing a plan to install a McDonald’s fast food franchise on Earth’s moon. This new development came this morning, as President Joe Biden announced that he would be ending Space Force’s McDonald’s on the Moon mission, started by Biden’s predecessor, in order to “re-evaluate” how best to allocate the new branch of the U.S. military’s armed forces.

“Look, Jack, I’m sure the last guy wanted to make sure no matter where he went, and no matter white time it was, that he’d get access to his nuggies and Big Macs,” Biden said as he made the policy change announcement in the Oval Office today. “That’s not my thing though. It’s not meant as an insult to people who think the moon needs a McDonald’s; it’s an acknowledgement that we need to make sure we can feed everyone who needs food herre, on Earth, first.”

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Biden made it clear that at some point down the line Space Force could revisit the plan to put a McDonald’s on the moon, it’s just that for right now, he doesn’t see that as being the most pressing priority.

“Hey, I enjoy a Quarter Pounder every now again. I have me a Filet O’ Fish around Lent every year,” Biden quipped, “but that doesn’t mean I want to spend our country’s wealth figuring out how to put minimum wage workers on the moon, Squirt! Let’s circle back to this issue once we’ve gotten the pandemic under control and people have jobs here on the surface of our planet, before we start trying to find a way to make McDonald’s lunar again.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.