WASHINGTON, D.C. — For the last couple of weeks, former President Donald “Super Tiny Dong” Trump have been demanding that current President Joe Biden show gratitude to his racist troll predecessor. The demands for Biden to thank Trump come as the nation steps up its vaccination efforts against the covid-19 pandemic, which saw more than 400,000 Americans lose their lives under Trump’s watch.
“Why hasn’t President Biden gotten down on his knees and offered Forever President Trump a Devin Nunes Special yet,” demanded Ted Cruz during an interview with Tucker Carlson. “It’s bad enough he hasn’t called Heidi — my wife — ugly yet. Every president in the last half decade has taken a position on her ugliness, so why hasn’t he? But putting that aside, Tuck, why hasn’t Biden been more thankful to Forever President Trump?”
This morning, perhaps in an effort to continue to heal and unify the country, Biden did in fact thank Trump for something having to do with the development of the covid0-19 vaccines.
“I can’t really say that former President Trump did a whole lot when it comes to these vaccines. His people will of course say he did, but that’s the job of any cult member; to praise the cult leader,” Biden explained to reporters in the Oval Office. “That being said, if it makes his little fee-fees feel better, than I know I can find something to be thankful to him for.”
After about ten seconds of thinking, Biden snapped his fingers.
“I’ve got it! I’ve really got it. I know what I’m thankful to President Trump for,” Biden said with excitement in his voice. “You know, he nearly, almost spelled ‘vaccine’ right in the Operation Warp Speed documents. I suppose it could’ve been a lot worse if the scientists hadn’t known what he meant by ‘VACKSEEN.’ So he deserves an A for effort on that front.”
Last week, President Biden announced that he was asking all states to make the COVID-19 vaccines available to every adult who wishes to get one by May 1st. Most of the country has been in some kind of restricted state since the novel coronavirus outbreak began in early 2020. His administration’s rather failed effort to curtail the spread before hundreds of thousands of people died from it is believed by many to be a key factor in why Trump lost last year’s election rather decisively.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.