Wednesday, May 31, 2023

Biden Sells White House Naming Rights to Soros, Inc for $666 Trillion

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Joe Biden signed an agreement today that authorizes a name change to the historic residence he currently calls home. With a stroke of his pen, and the exchange of nearly $670 trillion, Biden’s home will soon be called, “The George Soros White House of Libtardia.”

“Listen here, Jack, from now on, once I sign this paper and we put it in this very official looking envelope, it will be taken to a special room here in the capitol where these kinds of things go. And then, from that point forward, this will be the George Soros White House of Libtardia, and you can’t stop it, Squirt,” Biden told reporters, speaking to the American people through their camera lenses and microphones.

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President Biden explained that he has been “listening intently” to the complaints that Republicans and moderate Republicans like Senators Joe Mansion and Kyrsten Sinenema have about his “Build Back Better” agenda costing too much. So, he and his staff decided to take a page out of professional sports teams’ playbooks, and sell the corporate naming rights to the White House to the highest bidder in order to offset the costs of the social spending package.

“It’s not my fault that the highest bidder was Lord Soros! Don’t blame me, Bucko! We took bids, and he came in with $666 trillion! Do you know how many Obama FEMA Camps and LGTBQ+ LatinX Muslim-run abortion clinics we can build in the Bible Belt with that much dough, Sport? C’mon, man,” Biden said.

The naming agreement will begin January 1st, 2022, and last at least through Biden’s first term, and there are plans to enshrine the changes permanently.

“I’m hoping Congress will work with me to make this change permanent, because Lord Soros has already done so much to radically shape America, this would just be such a wonderful tribute to him, I think,” Biden explained.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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