Tuesday, October 26, 2021

Boebert and Greene File Articles of Impeachment Against Hunter Biden’s Laptop

WASHINGTON, D.C. — When Democrats and a handful of vertebrate Republicans impeached Donald Trump twice, Republicans warned that there would be recompense. Today, in a move sure to stir quite a commotion on the Hill, Trump’s loyalist struck their first blow for revenge in the D-list reality TV game show host’s honor.

“It is with great, white, pride that Lauren and I introduce these Articles of Impeachment against Hunter Biden’s laptop,” freshman Congresshorse Marjorie Taylor Greene announced on the House floor just moments ago. “These articles will go just as far and do just as much as the ones I filed against Hunter’s father, Sleepy Joe, but if there’s one thing our Republican base loves, it’s meaningless political theater.”

GREENE VOLUNTEERS TO HELP BORDER PATROL AT THE SOUTHERN BORDER AND BRING HER OWN SADDLE

Boebert called impeaching the president’s son laptop an “important step in accounting-ability” and commended Greene for her “brave-a-tude and courage-ness” to draft them.

“I’m just so grateful that Midge has the time to work on stupid publicity stunts like this, what with her not having any committee assignments,” Boebert said. ” Otherwise, she might have to actually do real congress stuff, and I’m pretty sure nobody really wants her doing that. Hell, I’m on her team and I understand what a dumbfuck piece of shit she is, so there’s that.”

There is no mechanism in the Constitution for impeaching unelected Americans, or their technology. Greene and Boebert, however, don’t see that as an obstacle at all.

“The great FOREVER President Donaldus Q. Trump taught us that the Constitution is just a suggestion when you’re a white evangelical Christian,” Greene insisted. “Quite frankly, if the Constitution ain’t with us, it’s by definition anti-MAGA, which makes it treasonous.

LINDELL: “DEMOCRATS BETTER WORRY ABOUT WHAT’S GOING DOWN ON NOVTEMBER 45TH!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.