WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congressional Republicans have been stepping up their anger and invective toward Dr. Anthony Fauci in recent weeks, ever since emails he sent and received during the first few weeks of the pandemic of the last year and a half came to light. In the emails, Fauci is seen discussing the efficacy of face masks — a position he changed his public guidance on after more data on them came to light — and even the theory that COVID-19 originated from a leak in a Chinese lab in Wuhan.
The so-called “lab leak” theory has fueled a lot of anger toward Fauci as well as emotional defenses of former one-term, twice permanently impeached President Donald Trump. Trump would often wonder aloud about the origins of the virus, but often in the context and subtext of ducking responsibility for his role in leading the country through the national health crisis. Fauci himself has called, many times, for a full and unbiased investigation into the origins of the virus.
During a press conference at a gun range this afternoon, Rep. Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) indicated that she believes if it can be proven that COVID-19 “ex-scaped,” in her words, from a Chinese lab, it could have wide-ranging implications for former President Trump.
“I know that the Democrat-owned media doesn’t want to ask these questions, so I’m glad that we Republicans are always willing to make up the answers to hard questions nobody cares about,” Boebert snidely chided the reporters in attendance. “So yeah, if COVID ex-scaped from the Chinese lab, then it means my Forever President Trump isn’t an incompetent idiot who let 400,000 Americans die.”
Before she could take any questions, Boebert pushed on.
“You see, if one thing we thought is true turns out to be true, or even kinda true once you ignore context, that means everything we said is true,” Boebert explained. ”
Boebert pulled out her sidearm, raised it into the air, and started shooting the gun straight into the ceiling.
“YEE HAW! OWNIN’ LIBS AND SHOOTIN’ LIBERTY LOBBERS,” Boebert shouted as she pulled the trigger. “SECOND AMENDMENT! CULTURAL MARXISM! CANCEL CULTURE! THE SQUAD! MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”
Rep. Boebert suddenly vanished, having completed the ancient spell of firing a gun while saying the most unintelligent things in human history.
This is a developing story.
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.