Thursday, September 16, 2021

Boebert Confirms She Belongs to Several “Low IQ-Anon” Facebook Groups

“Free speech is for stupid people too, libs!” – Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO)

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Freshman congresswoman Lauren Boebert, a Republican from Colorado, has been under fire in her home district for weeks. Allegations have been swirling about Boebert, who rode a pro-MAGA wave into office the same year that Donald Trump lost the popular vote for the second time and his presidency for the first. The central accusation is that Boebert belongs to several shadowy, violent conspiracy groups and supports their efforts to set aside democratic elections in favor of installing right-wing ideologues in their place.

While she initially downplayed and dismissed reports that she belongs to several such groups on Facebook, this morning Rep. Boebert was forced to address screenshots of one such group that were shared widely on social media. In the images, Boebert’s account can be seen taking part in discussions of fringe conspiracy theories about the 2020 election, as well as a host of other hot button conservative controversies.

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“Clearly any election we win is legitimate, and should be trusted with no further investigation,” one of her posts reads, “but I don’t think we should let Democrats take any more offices until we track down every single vote they claim they got, and verify it’s real, and was cast by a legitimate, melanin or pigment deficient American.”

Today, a confident but clearly rattled Boebert lashed out at reporters and said that while it’s “technically true” that she belongs to the group, it’s “nobody’s bee’s wax” and he critics need to stop trying to “cancel” her.

“Yes, it’s technically true that I belong to the Facebook group Low IQ-Anon, and several affiliated groups,” Boebert admitted, ‘but so what? All we do is plot ways to set aside election results we don’t like and invent evidence that we can’t submit in court, but that we can convince my fellow Idiot Americans to believe is real. It’s just locker room treason for goodness sake!”

Boebert claimed her critics are “trying to silence good, clean, ammo hoarding, white, Americans who also just happen to be stupid as fuck.”

“Well, I have a message for you crazy fascists out there,” Boebert said, jabbing her finger into the camera lenses surrounding her, “Free speech is for stupid people too!”

Low-IQ Anon is an offshoot of the more popular Q-Anon conspiracy theory. However, the main and only distinction is that the members of Low-IQ Anon know they’re stupid, while the devotees of the regular Q-Anon group are still in denial.

“Me, Margo Greene, and Louis Gohmert are the only ones in this body brave enough to both admit that we’re dumb, and that we think really dumb stuff is true,” Boebert said. “You should be thanking me and telling me how great I am, not making fun of me and asking me why I’m such an idiot. SHAME ON ALL OF YOU.”

Boebert flipped everyone off and ran away angrily crying so hard she farted extremely loudly.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.