Sunday, November 27, 2022

Boebert Introduces Bill Honoring Victims of 7/11 and the Bowling Green Massacre

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Freshman Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) hasn’t done much by the way of legislating in the first five months she’s held office. She has, however, done quite a lot of publicity stunts and social media posting.

A new story in Politico this week highlights voters in Boebert’s district who have already started to sour on her, in part because of her antics since being sworn in. This morning, however, she took steps that her staff told reporters she’s hoping will make her constituents see her in a more serious light. For the first time since her tenure in office began, Boebert has proposed a bill.


“Today I rise, Madam Speaker, to propose that today and every day we honor those who have fallen in sacrifice to this country’s great ideals,” Boebert said as she introduced HR 1469, a resolution if adopted would mean that every House session would start with a moment of silence. “We must remember those who gave their lives during the terror attacks of 7/11 and the Bowling Green Massacre.”

It’s unclear how many people died during the Bowling Greene Massacre, when it happened, or what the events were that transpired before it, but Boebert called it “one of the single worst tragedies in American history.”

“Maybe the only more worser tragedy was the day that our glorious former King God Emperor President had his seat on the throne stoled from him,” Boebert said. “Or maybe it was the day our patriotic insurrection failed. But other than those days, 7/11 and the Bowling Greene Massacre were the bigly worst, and I think it’s long past time that we honor those who died on those fate-filled days.”

It would appear that Boebert’s bill is already doomed to failure. While it enjoys the full support of the Guano Caucus, and most of the Republicans in the House, no Democrats currently have committed to voting for it. In fact, shortly after she proposed her resolution, a motion to table it was brought forward and passed, meaning Boebert’s proposal will have to wait at least until after the mid-terms. Boebert slammed the tabling of her resolution as a “clear anti-Trump, hyper-partisan move.”

“Every year of his presidency, Donald John Mushroom Dong Trump took the time to celebrate and honor the victims of 7/11 and the BGM. The people who sacrificed everything on 7/11 and in the Bowling Greene Massacre deserve just as much attention as Antifa or BLM or whatever anti-Trump bullcrap the libs are pushing now,” Boebert said with anger dripping from every syllable. “It’s enough to make me want to quite Congress and go back to the private sector. My giving people diarrhea with tainted meat business was really taking off, and I don’t need this kind of stress in my life!”

Boebert’s seat will be up for re-election in the mid-terms next year.


Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
Must Read


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Latest News

God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman's killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter's manifesto included...

More Articles Like This