Washington D.C. — House Speaker Paul Ryan announced this morning that Obamacare members who will lose their coverage will be compensated with discounted versions of Ayn Rand’s novels. Mr. Ryan also disclosed that Congress is considering providing The Road to Serfdom written by Austrian School economist Friedrich Hayek.
“When you think about it, it’s really simple,” said Speaker Ryan speaking via telephone to Fox News’ popular morning television show Fox and Friends. “We have to start building a better healthcare system in its place. And we need to start with a new principle: put the patient in the driver’s seat. And that driver’s instruction manual is Atlas Shrugged and sometimes Fountainhead.”
According to Paul Ryan’s spokesperson Bethany Millbright, as people are “peeled off the Obamacare nipple,” they will have time to reflect on their value to society. Congressional Republicans realized early that such idle minds could lead to mischief such as social unrest. The solution was to occupy the uninsured with new ideas to correct their government-dependent ways. Of course, the announcement sent shock waves across the D.C Beltway drawing both cheers and jeers from Republicans and Democrats.
“I think it’s a wonderful and innovative idea,” said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. “Instead of people simply sucking off the system, they can use this downtime to re-educate themselves using the wise words of Ayn Rand.”
However, Democrats had some harsh criticism for the Speaker’s announcement.
“They say the Republicans are the party of ideas,” said former Minnesota Senator Al Franken nervously adjusting his glasses on MSNBC following Mr. Ryan’s announcement. “Well what if those ideas don’t work or worse–they’re crap? How is a novel written for the intellect of a 17-year-old boy going to help people get their asthma medicine? Beats me.”
The current draft of the legislation is called, “The Ayn Rand Medical Restoration Act of 2018” has appropriated over 260 million dollars for book subsidies for former Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) participants. That amount will cover 50% of the cost of Atlas Shrugged for the 20 million people who will lose medical insurance.
“We don’t want to just give the book away for free,” continued Mr. Ryan. “That would be the very thing we’re fighting against Obamacare. These people need to have some skin in the game, which is why they’ll need to contribute around $14 for their copy of Atlas Shrugged. Think of it as a copay in the fight against economic ignorance.”
Congressional Democrats have promised to resist the bill, and Senate Democrats going as far to threaten a filibuster to stop the vote.