Wednesday, October 27, 2021

Bush Apologizes for Not Turning Off Bathroom Light or Afghanistan War When He Left the White House

CRAWFORD, TEXAS — Last week, President Joe Biden shocked many on the Hill when he announced that, after nearly 20 years, the Afghanistan War would draw to a close, and he’d all U.S. troop presence in the country would be eliminated by September 11th.

The move has been met with both praise and criticism. Some on the right have blasted Biden for ending the engagement, despite supporting the same idea when there was a racist reality-TV game show host as president for some reason. Democrats have largely praised the move, as many military experts have surmised for over a decade that the war was simply no longer tenable. One man, though, when he heard about the troops leaving and the Afghanistan War coming to a close told friends and family this weekend “had a light bulb as bright as a black hole come on” in his head.

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“I just feel so bad about forgetting to turn off the war before I left D.C.,” former President George W. Bush relayed to his friends on his Texas ranch, according to several sources. “I meant to do it, and I even tied a string around my pinky to remind myself to do it. Then I forgot why the string was around my pinky, so I tied another string around my other pinky to remind myself to ask Dick why I had tied the first string around my finger.”

However, former President Bush never got around to finding out why either string was tied to his pinkies, and as he left office in 2009, both of the wars he’d started in Iraq and Afghanistan were still going. That wasn’t all that Bush remembered after hearing reports that Biden was recalling the troops from Afghanistan. Bush also forgot to take care of a few things in the presidential residence.

“Come to think of it, I’m not sure if I ever turned the A/C down,” Bush admitted, “and I’m pretty sure I left the bathroom light on. Man do I feel really bad about that. Leaving the bathroom light on, I mean. The whole war thing was always kind of a…you know…”

Bush just shrugged and turned his head on an angle like puppies do.

“On the one hand, I just hate it when I leave something for someone else to do for me,” Bush admitted, “but then again on the hand, Democratic presidents cleaning up Republican presidential messes has been an American tradition since Clinton cleaned up my daddy’s big ol’ ecomommy meltdown or whatever. So what can you do?”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.