Tuesday, August 3, 2021

“Cat Lawyer” Added to Trump’s Shortlist of New Legal Team

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Rumors are spreading wildly as it seems Trump is moving forward with firing his second legal team while also hiring “Cat Lawyer,” man that made international headlines this past week.

According to inside sources, Trump, the defeated and twice impeached former president, was unhappy with his current legal teams ramblings on the first day of his impeachment hearing before the Senate.  Trump was reportedly “…yelling at his tv and pretending to send tweets”, said the source, who asked to remain anonymous.

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“The guests at Mar-A-Lago were quite taken back by his behavior”, the insider said.  “He hadn’t hardly eaten any of his hamburgers, instead, he was going into fits of rage in-between chugging one of his many Diet Cokes.  At one point, he stood in the middle of the banquet hall and demanded his guests find the “Cat Lawyer Man” he saw while using Barons Facebook account.”

Rumors of Trump hiring “Cat Lawyer” come as sister publication The Pastiche Post reported that Trump had cleared out his legal team and put famed personal injury attorney Lionel Hutz of Springfield in charge of it.

Mr. Hutz, famous for his own comical courtroom appearances while representing various members of the Simpson family and other residents of their town, has never tried such a high profile case. He’s also never represented a former president. In fact, Hutz’ legal experience is in mostly winning settlements for personal injury cases. Nevertheless, as of now, he’s Trump’s impeachment lawyer.

“The former president thinks this is as good a time as any to completely change up his legal team,” a letter issued from Trump’s office in Florida states. “As such, he’s decided that Mr. Lionel Hutz should take the reins, and the former president has every confidence that Mr. Hutz will do a better job than the two chucklefucks who embarrassed him so bigly yesterday.” (Pastiche Post)

At this time, it is not known if Trump is aware that Rod Ponton, the lawyer in the viral video, is NOT a cat.

This is a breaking story and we will provide more info as it is received.

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