Wednesday, April 21, 2021

Lara Trump Hired By Fox to Do To Her Father-in-Law Publicly What Her Sister-in-Law Does Privately

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- This morning, Fox News made it official -- former President Donald "Mushroom Dong" Trump's daughter-in-law Lara has joined their...
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Trump Consoles Himself By Looking Forward to Less Time With ‘Homewrecker’ Jared Kushner

This story first appeared on Alternative Facts. WASHINGTON, D.C. -- To say that President Donald Trump has given "mixed signals" about whether or not he accepts...

Man Is ‘Blown Away’ How Much ‘It Stinks’ That His Girlfriend Can’t Stop Farting During Quarantine

BROWN CLOUD, CALIFORNIA -- He says that there is "absolutely no chance" of it breaking them up, but that doesn't mean 37 year old...

Local Man Pretty Sure He Can Convince Himself to Masturbate

SPAYNK RIVER BANK, MISSOURI -- In a sleepy town located on the banks of a lesser-known American river in the Show Me State, Johann...

Quarantine Panic! Man Already Masturbated to Everything on Pornhub That Doesn’t Involve Incest

STROHK LAKE, CALIFORNIA -- "Wait. Son of a bitch! I've gone in a circle jerk!" John Puhdzingert's roommate recalls that the words, in her words,...

Participants Agree Zoom Orgy Only 30% Less Creepy Than In-Person One

Participants in an orgy via the group video chat app "Zoom" told our reporter afterward that it was only about 30% less creepy to...

Local Couple: Sex Was Really Good Until Husband Got Involved

DISAPPOINTMENT GULCH, ARIZONA -- In an interview with Couples Weekly, Tabitha and Mick Garrison -- married since August 2002 -- said that their recent...

Alabama Republicans Propose New State Miscarriage Investigation Unit

STONEWALL COUNTY, ALABAMA -- Just a couple of weeks after Alabama's governor signed a sweeping, abortion ban into law, Republican legislators in her state...

Alabama Celebrates First Fetal Wedding

RIO SIN DIENTES, ALABAMA -- In a sleepy Alabama town, preparations are underway for a truly momentous and perhaps historic event -- a man...

Former Cellmate to Auction George Zimmerman’s Prison Dildo

DYLAN, FLORIDA -- Though he's a free man now, for several months George Zimmerman was in jail while he stood trial for killing Trayvon...

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