Saturday, January 22, 2022

Entertainment

Simon & Schuster Says Fact-Checked Kellyanne Conway Memoir Fits on Four Pages

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Former White House Senior Bullshit Adviser Kellyanne Conway has written a memoir about her time in the Donald Trump administration, and publisher Simon & Schuster will be printing and selling copies. In a new...

Gaetz to Play Woody Allen in New Biopic

Gaetz released a statement thanking Epstein Pictures for the gig, and promising to put his "blood, sweat, tears, and genitals into the role."

Lara Trump Hired By Fox to Do To Her Father-in-Law Publicly What Her Sister-in-Law Does Privately

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- This morning, Fox News made it official -- former President Donald "Mushroom Dong" Trump's daughter-in-law Lara has joined their ranks, and will be a "contributor." What, exactly, Ms. Trump will be contributing as a Fox...

Hannity: ‘Senile’ Biden Didn’t Mention Windmill Cancer or Bleach Injection During Press Conference

"Joe didn't even have the presence of mind to mention today is the anniversary of the Bowling Green Massacre!"

Scientists Developing Covid Vaccine That Will Also Shut Meghan McCain the Fuck Up

Calling it "one of the most important and necessary endeavors" of her career, Dr. Kimberly Manheimsteemrohler told a radio host today that she and her fellow researchers at Northwest Southern Idaho University are close to a true medical breakthrough. "If...

God Cancels Rush Limbaugh

PALM BEACH, FLORIDA -- In breaking news, we have learned that conservatives across the United States have disavowed “God” after He cancelled Rush Limbaugh. A statement, released by God’s assistant Jermaine, reads in part “…there just comes a time where you...

‘The Mandalorian’ Will Digitally Replace Gina Carano With AOC Wearing a Mask

BURBANK, CALIFORNIA -- It’s been a busy week for Disney Star Wars news, and today will be no different. Following on the heels of "The Mandalorian" choosing to let actress Gina Carano go -- due to her social media political stances...

Gina Carano Sets Up OnlyNaziFans Account

HOLLYWOOB, CALIFORNIA -- This week, alleged actress and former human punching bag Gina Carano was officially dropped by LucasFilm, and she will not appear in any more episodes of The Mandalorian, or any of the planned spinoff shows it was presumed...

TIME Magazine Names Trump ‘Sore Loser Crybaby Bitch of the Year’

This week, TIME Magazine named President and Vice-President-elect Joe Biden and Kamala Harris as its "Person of the Year" for 2020. Rumor is swirling that a certain occupant of the Oval Office -- whose time there is running incredibly...
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Matt Walsh is Thinking Very Deeply About Your Genitals. Just Like Jesus.

This week, Daily Caller columnist and podcaster Matt Walsh -- a devout evangelical Christian conservative -- appeared on The Dr. Phil...
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