Wednesday, March 3, 2021

“Cat Lawyer” Added to Trump’s Shortlist of New Legal Team

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rumors are spreading wildly as it seems Trump is moving forward with firing his second legal team while also hiring "Cat Lawyer,"...
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Local Witch Casts “ShutTheFuckUpicus Totallus” Curse on JK Rowling

GODRIC'S HOLLOW, LONDON, UK, THE WIZARDING WORLD -- While it's unclear at this time if it will have any effect whatsoever, a local witch...

If He Can’t Murder Whoever He Wants, Whenever He Wants, You’re On Your Own, Rape Victims

He's a hero. Everyone he ever meets tells him he's a hero. So why would Lt. Frank Biedemup think he's anything except a hero? And, as...

Basic White Woman Who’s Never Interacted With Cops Against Defunding Them

LAS ESTUPIDAS BLANCAS, CALIFORNIA -- 38 year old cosmetics consultant Christiana Vacaciones says she has "many black friends" and that none of them have...

Selfish Fuck Oppressed by Polite Request to Wear Face Mask in Public

ASSHOLE DOUCHEBAG TOWN, TEXAS -- Scott Scooterson is a self-described "selfish fuck." It's important to understand that, Scott says, if you're going to be...

Report: Ow! Fuck! Pins and Needles!

GREEN PORT, LOUISIANA -- Sources close to the situation are reporting that screams and shrieks were heard from the vicinity of 476 Thomas Rd...

Jesus Sees Image of Potato Chip in Bathroom Mirror

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This weekend, Jesus Hubert Christ, son of Trinity, Inc's CEO Larry "God" Schumway, was brushing his holy teeth, and...

Parents Wonder When Kids Will Finally Thank Them for Gift of a Fleeting, Worthless Existence

HOBOKEN, NEVADA -- Chad and Beverly Thompson just want to see even a modicum of respect and thankfulness from their four kids -- Bethany,...

Local Perv Weighs Risk of Breaking Coronavirus Quarantine to Watch You Shower Anyway

LA VALLE SIN ROPA, CALIFORNIA -- Nate Robertson is a 45 year old self-described "perv" whose biggest thrill in life is watching you take...

Local Woman Totally Judging What’s In Your Coronavirus Quarantine Preparation Shopping Cart

BECKY FALLS, MINNESOTA -- 43-year old Christina "Christy" Tomjanovich is judging the ever loving hell out of that shopping cart you're pushing. To be...

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