Wednesday, March 3, 2021

“Cat Lawyer” Added to Trump’s Shortlist of New Legal Team

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rumors are spreading wildly as it seems Trump is moving forward with firing his second legal team while also hiring "Cat Lawyer,"...
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Report: People Were Socially Distancing Themselves From You Way Before Coronavirus

The CDC has recently issued guidelines for reducing the spread of the novel coronavirus, which include a request to consider "social distancing" at large...

Woman Doesn’t Think Her Cat Cares That She Was Diagnosed With Coronavirus

FELIX HILLS, MINNESOTA -- A woman and her cat are currently "not really on speaking terms" after the two had a falling out regarding...

Mike Pence Listening to Low-Volume Porn on Headphones But Tells Mother It’s ASMR

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- He doesn't like to do it; in fact, he loathes it every time he has to. That doesn't change the fact...

Man Kicking Himself for Missing the Perfect Opportunity to Kill Himself

VALLE DE INÚTIL, CALIFORNIA -- Looking back on it now, Jake Masterson is pretty sure he missed his "golden opportunity to get it done."...

Man Starting to Think Supportive Friends Are Bad Judges of Human Potential

LAKE ÉTOILE DÉCLINANTE, ILLINOIS -- Phillip Fillmore, a lifelong resident of his sleepy midwestern hometown,  in a small midwestern town, recently sat down and...

Local Feline Entering Rehab After Catnip Fueled $4000 Amazon Shopping Spree

WHISKERS FLATS, IDAHO -- An eight year old house cat in the United States recently entered a drug rehab treatment facility after it admitted...

Middle-Aged Man Should Probably Be Better at Fucking By Now

LAGO DEL FLACIDO, CALIFORNIA -- Skip Languido is a 42 year old financial planner and he and his second wife are in the middle...

Man in Romantic Relationship With Wall Socket Shocked by Genital Pain

VALLE DE PENE QUEMADO, NEW MEXICO -- No matter how much his groin region hurts, 37 year old Mitch Terkinblaum says he's never, ever...

Santa Asks 58 Year Old If She Still Believes Trump is a Real President

THE NORTH POLE, EARTH -- On Christmas night last year, President Trump raised eyebrows all over the political spectrum when he asked a child...

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