Wednesday, December 8, 2021

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Biden Sells White House Naming Rights to Soros, Inc for $666 Trillion

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden signed an agreement today that authorizes a name change to the historic residence he currently calls home. With a stroke of his pen, and the exchange of nearly $670 trillion, Biden's home will...

Rittenhouse Offered to Shoot Someone on 5th Avenue for Trump During Their Mar-A-Lago Meeting

MAR-A-LAGO, FLORIDUH -- Former, one term, tiny-donged, daughter lusting, twice forever impeached President Don Trump revealed recently that he and acquitted double-murderer Kyle Rittenhouse had a meeting at his Florida resort. Just days prior, Rittenhouse was acquitted on all charges...

Rittenhouse Judge Asks Jury to End Deliberations So He and Kyle Can Attend Proud Boy Meeting

KENOSHA, WISCONSIN -- Judge Bruce Schroeder and accused vigilante double-murderer Kyle Rittenhouse have a Proud Boy meeting to attend tonight, and so the jury needs to "wrap it up quick-like," Schroeder told them today. Jurors have been deliberating since yesterday...

Don Jr: “If Joe’s So Good at Finishing What Daddy Couldn’t, Why Can’t He Make Ivanka Cum?”

STUPID FUCKFACE, FLORIDA -- Taking time out during a golf tournament put on by some of the richest Republican donors in the country, Donald Trump Jr. blasted President Joe Biden for signing an infrastructure package worth roughly $1.5 trillion...

Man Sitting on Whoopie Cushion Briefly Worries Boebert’s Staff That Her Skull Had Popped

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Aides and staffers rushed to her side, and ultimately it was determined that she was in no immediate danger. However, Rep. Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) was indeed given quite a scare this morning. "At approximately 10am this morning,...

Princess Celestia Declares Ivermectin Shortage in the Pony Realm

CANTERLOT, EQUESTRIA --  In an early morning press release issued today, Head of State Princess Celestia congratulated Big Bird on their recent vaccination. "We celebrate Big Birds decision to receive the newly approved Pfizer vaccine and hope all mythical creatures...

Trump Jr. Not Invited to Thanksgiving With President or Man Who Thinks He’s Still President

LAKE MORON, FLORIDA -- Donald Trump Jr. will not be having Thanksgiving dinner with either the current president, or the man who believes he is still president, according to several sources with knowledge of the situation. It would have been...

Sinema Worries Her Party Might Try to Pass Its Agenda in Response to Youngkin Victory

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A distraught Sen. Kyrsten Sinema (D?-AZ) told reporters as she arrived for work today that she is "extremely worried and afraid" in the wake of a disastrous night in Virginia for her party. Republican Glenn Youngkin managed...

Boebert Thought Planning Trump’s Insurrection Just Meant ‘Giving Boners to Some Dirty MAGAs’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Responding to a new bombshell report in Rolling Stone that indicates she participated in a plot to overturn last year's election, freshman Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) tried to bat away, deflect, and downplay the implications of the article. "Yeah,...

Op-Ed: “My Genitals Are Microscopic and It’s All George Soros’ Fault!”

The following editorial was submitted by the office of Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL). The views and opinions expressed herein are of that of Rep. Gaetz, the QAnon Cult, a certain twice-impeached reality-TV dipshit, and maybe Steve Bannon if Matt's...
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Latest News

Biden Sells White House Naming Rights to Soros, Inc for $666 Trillion

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden signed an agreement today that authorizes a name change to the historic residence...
- Advertisement -spot_img