Wednesday, December 8, 2021

News

Donald Trump Reveals That He’s Really Andy Kaufman

Washington D.C. -- Donald Trump shocked not only his staff, but the entire world today when he revealed he was actually Andy Kaufman. According to a White House press pool photographer, who managed to snap the iconic moment, the President...

Trump Says Picking Kennedy’s Replacement Will Be Top Agenda Item In Summit With Putin

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump announced today that he will be meeting with Russian co-President Vladimir V. Putin next month in their first face to face summit.  "I'm looking forward to this summit with the same anticipation you get...

US Paralympics Team Refuses to Stand During Star Spangled Banner

COLORADO SRPINGS, CO -- A controversy erupted over the weekend when the United States Paralympics Team refused to stand for the National Anthem during their annual fall tryouts. The team, which is known for courage and perseverance, shocked the relatively...

Historians Discover George Washington’s Long Lost Weed Stash

FREDERICKSBERG, VIRGINIA -- In an extremely unforeseen development, President George Washington's personal cache of marijuana, presumed by historians to be lost for over 200 years, has been discovered underneath socks in a sock drawer in a home Washington spent...

Hipster Will Only Do Challenge With Non-GMO Tide Pods

24 year old Chad Braddington drinks only cold brew coffee. Chad only grocery shops where he knows the produce and butcher departments only source their products from at most a sixteen foot radius from his tiny home that he built out...

Man Doesn’t Deny He Dealt It, But Callously Refuses To Smellt It

RUSTY WIND FALLS, MINNESOTA -- Everyone in the room knew he did it, Bob Phalinger didn't deny he did it. The blame for the malodorous emission from his posterior was not in doubt, ever, during the entire incident at 329...

Woman Tends To Cuss A Lot When You Act Like A G##damned F##king S###headed C##k-Faced Tw#twaffle

Megan Hofer, 35 years old and from Santa Chingada, California, admits that she has a "potty mouth." According to Megan, however, her tendency to curse doesn't come out unbidden. Ms. Thompson says that in order to get her to...

Post Office Announces New “Whatever” Stamps For Customers Who Just Can’t Right Now

The United States Postal Service has announced that they are adding a new type of stamp to the postage available for purchase at all post offices in the country. The USPS already offers stamps that range in price from...
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Latest News

Biden Sells White House Naming Rights to Soros, Inc for $666 Trillion

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden signed an agreement today that authorizes a name change to the historic residence...
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