Sunday, January 16, 2022

Politics

Op-Ed: “My Genitals Are Microscopic and It’s All George Soros’ Fault!”

The following editorial was submitted by the office of Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL). The views and opinions expressed herein are of that of Rep. Gaetz, the QAnon Cult, a certain twice-impeached reality-TV dipshit, and maybe Steve Bannon if Matt's...

White House Wants Sinema to Tell Them How Much Attention She Needs to Act Like a Democrat

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- If President Joe Biden wants his bold new progressive agenda to pass through Congress, all he needs is for every single one of his fellow Democrats in that separate but equal branch of government to be...

Hannity Demands Full Audit of 1860 Presidential Election

Fox News host Sean Hannity told his radio audience today that he believes all fifty states in America should be conducting "rigorous, exhaustive audits" of the 2020 election. He also said "true patriots" won't stop there, though. They'll also...

Biden Doesn’t Mind Winning AZ ‘As Many Times as It Takes Don Trump to Accept Reality’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though MAGA nation might be reeling from the results, and the rest of the non-confederated states in the union might be sick of them taking place at all, there's one man in the nation's capitol who...

Boebert and Greene File Articles of Impeachment Against Hunter Biden’s Laptop

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When Democrats and a handful of vertebrate Republicans impeached Donald Trump twice, Republicans warned that there would be recompense. Today, in a move sure to stir quite a commotion on the Hill, Trump's loyalist struck their...

Cruz: “As Soon as Trump Gives Them Back, I’ll Know If Getting Vaccinated Changed My Balls”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last week, noted virologist and "Wet Ass Pussy" composer Nicki Minaj caused quite a commotion when she divulged that a friend of one of her cousins experienced swollen testicles after receiving a COVID-19 vaccination. The story became...

AZ Election Auditors Claim Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend’s Balls Switched Votes to Biden

RUBEVILLE, ARIZONA -- This week Cyber Ninjas, the company hired by the Arizona Republican Party to audit the 2020 election, posted an explosive new report of the data they've collect so far. The report contains dozens of new allegations...

Boebert Confirms She Belongs to Several “Low IQ-Anon” Facebook Groups

"Free speech is for stupid people too, libs!" - Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman congresswoman Lauren Boebert, a Republican from Colorado, has been under fire in her home district for weeks. Allegations have been swirling about Boebert,...

Tyrant Biden Commands Restaurant Employees to Wash Hands After Using the Bathroom

"What about my freedom to get sick and die, fam? WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT THAT, HUH?!" - Jethro Bohiggins The duly elected tyrant President Joe Biden inched the United States of America closer to death by full-blown socialism today. Speaking...

Webster Changes Definition of “Douchebag” to “See Joe Manchin”

Dictionary publishers have to update their content quite frequently, given how often language evolves. From the time that humans first developed the skill, the words and phrases we use have undergone changes, and each year, companies like Merriam-Webster need...
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Latest News

23andMe Finds DNA Link Between Jim Crow and Kyrsten Sinema

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- A new bombshell report from genetic testing company 23andMe indicates that a sitting, Democratic...
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