Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Politics

Donald Trump Vows to Make Hazzard County Great Again

Hazzard County, GA -- Ever since TV Land's cancellation of the immensely popular long-running television series, The Dukes of Hazzard, the residents of Hazzard County have seen their once thriving economy fall victim to a deep recession with very...

Study: Trump Supporters 87% More Likely To Go Blind/Kill Kittens

Palo Alto, CA -- A 3-month study by the Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation has revealed that Trump supporters have an 87% higher likelihood of going blind and killing kittens than the control group. The study, which was co-sponsored...

Booted Obamacare Members Compensated with Ayn Rand Novels

Washington D.C. -- House Speaker Paul Ryan announced this morning that Obamacare members who will lose their coverage will be compensated with discounted versions of Ayn Rand's novels. Mr. Ryan also disclosed that Congress is considering providing The Road...

Report: Trump Supporters Penises are 2 Inches Smaller than Nationwide Average

Palo Alto, CA -- A year-long study by the Palo Alto, CA-based Rundex Family Foundation has revealed that male Donald Trump supporters have, on average, a penis that is 2 inches shorter than non-Trump supporters. The report, which was...

Skinny Jeans Fail to Subvert the Dominant Paradigm

PORTLAND, OR -- Area hipster and self-proclaimed postmodern social justice warrior David "Riddle Me" Shoreston has given up his attempts to "subvert the dominant paradigm" with several deliberate act of protest which include his skinny jeans. Mr. Shoreston, 30,...

Trey Gowdy Repeatedly Shouts ‘Show Me The Benghazi!’ At FBI Director, Deputy Director For 10 Minutes

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- According to several sources close to the scene, Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC) spent ten complete, full minutes shouting, "SHOW ME THE BENGHAZI" directly into FBI Director Christopher A. Wray's and Deputy Director Rod Rosenstein's faces following...

Donald Trump Reveals That He’s Really Andy Kaufman

Washington D.C. -- Donald Trump shocked not only his staff, but the entire world today when he revealed he was actually Andy Kaufman. According to a White House press pool photographer, who managed to snap the iconic moment, the President...

US Paralympics Team Refuses to Stand During Star Spangled Banner

COLORADO SRPINGS, CO -- A controversy erupted over the weekend when the United States Paralympics Team refused to stand for the National Anthem during their annual fall tryouts. The team, which is known for courage and perseverance, shocked the relatively...
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Latest News

Biden Sells White House Naming Rights to Soros, Inc for $666 Trillion

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden signed an agreement today that authorizes a name change to the historic residence...
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