Science
CDC Releases New Urgent Guidelines for “Safe and Healthy” Circle Jerking
ATLANTA, GEORGIA — The Centers for Disease Control have issued brand new, updated guidance ...
CDC Study Shows Wearing a Mask Reduces Spreading Selfish Douchebaggery by 100%
HOTLANTA, GEORGIA — Researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention just released ...
Bill Gates Offers to Buy and Delete Elon Musk
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON — Billionaire tech titan Bill Gates is reportedly close to making one ...
WHO Strongly Cautions Against Human Centipedes of More Than 7 People
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND — The World Health Organization issued an urgent advisory to all human ...
Alex Jones Asks Why Trump Administration Hasn’t Used Anti-Coronavirus Chemtrails to Protect America
CABEZA MIERDA SPRINGS, TEXAS — Far-right shock jock Alex Jones went off on quite ...
Coronavirus Update: CDC Strongly Urges People to Stop Licking Each Other’s Nostrils
WASHINGTON, D.C — The Centers for Disease Control have issued a strong advisory warning ...
Trump Names David Avocado Wolfe Wind Cancer Czar
WASHINGTON. D.C. — President Donald Trump recently attacked wind-based energy production in part because ...
Study Shows 85% of Monopoly Money Used to Snort Pixy Stix
A new study just published by the National Institute of Studying Stuff has pointed ...
Norwegian Woman Would Never Live In S###hole Countries Without Universal Healthcare
Last year, President Donald Trump made it fairly clear that he would prefer that ...
Donald Trump Jr. To Undergo Plastic Surgery For Rare Facial Condition
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The president’s son will be undergoing a radical, experimental ...
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