Tuesday, May 30, 2023

CEO Larry Antifa Admits Ron Johnson is Right About the Capitol Riot

SOMEWHERE IN LIBTARDIA — When Sen. Ron Johnson (Q-WI) spoke during a Senate hearing yesterday, he raised quite a few eyebrows. The hearing was, ostensibly, about the January 6th insurrection on the capitol building. Johnson used his time to question witnesses instead to introduce into the record the opinions of someone who claims to have been at the scene of the riot, and who believes that Antifa and other “far left provocateurs” were behind the attack, not pro-MAGA domestic terrorists.

Johnson’s hypotheses were pretty roundly rejected and mocked online initially, but that was before a rather unforeseen development.

MORE: First Recorded Sounds From Mars Are Martians Thanking Us For Electing Biden

“Look, I wish to God he hadn’t figured it all out, but clearly Ron Johnson is an actual, literal genius, and he put the pieces together,” Larry Antifa, the CEO of Antifa, Inc., was recorded telling his board of directors on a conference call last night. “We really thought all the confederate flags, MAGA gear, and racial slurs would have made everyone believe it was Trump supporters and not us, but clearly Ron’s just too many steps ahead of us.”

While there have been no reported arrests of people affiliated with Antifa or far-left ideologies have been made after the riots thus far, Larry Antifa thinks those days are coming.

“What blows me away is that Ron figured out the whole operation, and even I didn’t know we were there until he said something,” Larry said. “I had no friggin’ clue we were infiltrating the riot. And when I saw all the very clearly pro-Trump stuff happening right after Trump himself encouraged the crowd to storm the capitol, I figured it was all MAGA people. This Antifa operation was so secret, even I, Larry Antifa, had no idea it was happening.”

Larry Antifa gave no indication how many of his operatives were embedded with the rioters, but he said he can’t estimate that number because he’s still getting briefed on the operation.

“It turns out, none of us had any idea Antifa was there. I mean, not a single member of Antifa we’ve talked to was there,” Larry explained. “Of course, maybe they weren’t carrying their official Antifa badges and ID cards, so we’ll have to figure all that out.”

MORE: Nation Grips Itself for Another Week Without a Presidential Golf Outing


Like what you read? Consider signing up for my free newsletter, becoming a paid Facebook subscriber, or signing up for my Patreon.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
Must Read


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Latest News

God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman's killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter's manifesto included...

More Articles Like This