SOMEWHERE IN LIBTARDIA — When Sen. Ron Johnson (Q-WI) spoke during a Senate hearing yesterday, he raised quite a few eyebrows. The hearing was, ostensibly, about the January 6th insurrection on the capitol building. Johnson used his time to question witnesses instead to introduce into the record the opinions of someone who claims to have been at the scene of the riot, and who believes that Antifa and other “far left provocateurs” were behind the attack, not pro-MAGA domestic terrorists.
Johnson’s hypotheses were pretty roundly rejected and mocked online initially, but that was before a rather unforeseen development.
“Look, I wish to God he hadn’t figured it all out, but clearly Ron Johnson is an actual, literal genius, and he put the pieces together,” Larry Antifa, the CEO of Antifa, Inc., was recorded telling his board of directors on a conference call last night. “We really thought all the confederate flags, MAGA gear, and racial slurs would have made everyone believe it was Trump supporters and not us, but clearly Ron’s just too many steps ahead of us.”
While there have been no reported arrests of people affiliated with Antifa or far-left ideologies have been made after the riots thus far, Larry Antifa thinks those days are coming.
“What blows me away is that Ron figured out the whole operation, and even I didn’t know we were there until he said something,” Larry said. “I had no friggin’ clue we were infiltrating the riot. And when I saw all the very clearly pro-Trump stuff happening right after Trump himself encouraged the crowd to storm the capitol, I figured it was all MAGA people. This Antifa operation was so secret, even I, Larry Antifa, had no idea it was happening.”
Larry Antifa gave no indication how many of his operatives were embedded with the rioters, but he said he can’t estimate that number because he’s still getting briefed on the operation.
“It turns out, none of us had any idea Antifa was there. I mean, not a single member of Antifa we’ve talked to was there,” Larry explained. “Of course, maybe they weren’t carrying their official Antifa badges and ID cards, so we’ll have to figure all that out.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.