Thursday, June 8, 2023

Cheney Accuses House GOP of Stealing Leadership Election from Her

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a truly surprising turn of events, Rep. Liz Cheney (R-WY) has leveled an explosive allegation against the House Republicans that just voted to remove her from the number three position within their conference. Speaking to Fox News, Cheney just accused the House Republicans of stealing this morning’s leadership election from her.

“Clearly, Kevin McCarthy and Steve Scalise stole this election from me,” Cheney said during the interview. “Let me be clear — I have no actual evidence to present to prove my claims. All I have is my emotional reaction to losing. I cannot and will not ever be able to prove my theory, but I believe it, and because I believe it, as a Republican I’m entitled to treat that as fact. Am I not?”


A defiant Cheney told the Fox News hosts she intends to assert that she actually won the election today for the “rest of [her] days,” and she hopes that doing so will serve as an olive branch to House Republicans outraged at her for her disloyalty to former Emperor God King Donald Trump.

“Isn’t this what the House Republicans want? Isn’t this the kind of leadership they demand,” Cheney asked rhetorically. “I’m lying my ass off about losing. I’m pretty sure that means, by these new rules for Republicans, that I’m the rightful president now. Or at least, that I’m entitled to the position of power I lost on a technicality like not getting enough votes to win.”

Earlier this week, McCarthy hold told reporters that the heart of the dispute with Cheney was her reluctance to repeat all the lies his party adheres to. According to McCarthy, Rep. Cheney would “only repeat 99.9%” of the lies he and his fellow Republicans rely on for political power.

“I’m sorry, but for some of my colleagues, it’s just not acceptable that Liz would lie about ALMOST all the same things we do, but not the one about the election,” McCarthy said. “You could say they’re outraged that Liz only repeats 99.9% of our lies, and that is why she will be probably be held more accountable than the guy who nearly got some of us killed on January 6th.” (NRN)

Rep. McCarthy could not be reached for comment on this story.


Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
Must Read


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Latest News

God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman's killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter's manifesto included...

More Articles Like This