Wednesday, October 27, 2021

Cruz Slams Texas Dems For Not Asking to Borrow His Cancun Timeshare

Democrats in the Texas State Senate have once again taken to extreme measures to fight the passage of their state’s sweeping new set of voter restrictions. This time, the Democrats who walked out on a special session and denied their Republican counterparts a quorum necessary to pass the law, took it one step further this time and boarded a plane for the nation’s capitol.

While Texas Governor Gregg Abbott, ever the lover of freedom and independence, has vowed to have the Democrats arrested for their act of civil disobedience, one of the state’s two Republican Senators eviscerated them for leaving the state in order to stall or delay the voting act’s passage.

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“I just think it’s so beyond the pale. It really is dereliction of duty. These people are employees of the Texas people,” Cruz said on OAN this morning, “and they were hired to do a job. Now, the Democrats are walking out on their job, yes, but they’re also abandoning their constituents. Who does that?”

A bolt of lightening struck just inches away from Cruz.

“I mean to say, who abandons their constituents and goes somewhere other than the beautiful Mexican Riviera? What an absolutely shameful situation,” Cruz moaned. “Did they not even consider asking to borrow my timeshare? It has some of the best views in all of Cancun! Once again, we see the horrific decisions made my Democrats on full display.”

Cruz also gave America an update on a few of what he called “personal matters.”

“Let me just also take some time to give some updates to the American people on some personal matters,” Cruz said. “I still love a good booger as long as it’s paired with a fine domestic beer. My wife Heidi is still tremendously ugly. And on a totally unrelated note, Donald Trump still has legal rights over my testicles.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.