Thursday, June 8, 2023

No More Diet Cokes or Adderall at the Push of a Button in Biden’s White House

WASHINGTON D.C. — Amongst the many changes being made in the Oval Office, White House officials confirmed the removal of Donald Trumps “Diet Coke Button”, and the less visible “Adderall Switch”.

The Diet Coke Button, first reported by CNN, was placed on a box on the resolute desk next to the phone.  The Adderall switch, however, known mostly to close friends and family members, was placed underneath the desk.

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Gloria Krieger, a White House staffer, confirmed the removal of both the button and the switch after pictures circulated online of Biden’s Oval Office decorations.

“During meetings in the Oval Office, it was pretty common for Trump to press the red button and shortly after, his butler would appear with a single glass of iced Diet Coke.  It never struck us as being odd.  But it was always after the meetings, or before a press conference, he would flip the switch.  Instead of his butler, Don Jr would appear with a pill bottle, razor, and mirror.”

She continued: “Having a butler at your beck and call isn’t anything new for a president.  W would have a non-alcoholic beer and pretzels delivered to him once a week during college football season and Clinton would have the occasional Big Mac.  But Donald really put that button and switch to the test.  Not a day would go by where we weren’t cracking open another case of Diet Coke, and I can only imagine the trips to the pharmacy Don Jr would have to make.”

It’s not known if either of the buttons will be replaced.  Rumors started circulating on Twitter amongst conservatives that “Sleepy” Joe Biden would have No-Doze installed, but as of press time, those rumors have yet to be verified.

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