Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Don Jr: ‘Patriots’ Will Stop Taking Unemployment and Get a Job Where They Need Welfare to Survive

During an appearance on Sean Hannity’s daily klan rally on the radio, former President Donald Trump’s third smartest son implied that people still taking unemployment insurance payments despite being vaccinated against COVID-19 “hate America” and are not “patriots.”

“Sean, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that cocaine cannot and will not make my dad love me any more, no matter how much I shove up my nose, or he shoves up his,” Donald Trump Jr. told Hannity during a long, meandering interview segment today, “but I also am pretty sure I know another thing. And that’s that real, good, honest, hard working, melanin-deficient, ammo hoarding Patriots don’t hate America, so they’re gonna get off their butts, stop taking unemployment, and go get a job where they’ll need to be on welfare to survive.”


Trump Jr. noted that when his father was in office there were more people out of work, but that it was a “much more differenter situation.”

“It’s like, when President Daddy was in charge,” Trump Jr went on, “people weren’t working but it’s cuz the liberal Dems told the CDC to tell China to make the virus happen so that it would tank HIS ecomony! And it was HIS ecomony, Sean! I still think it IS his economy because the Democrats did stuff that we can’t prove but that we all know happened and is NOT just the coke talking like people keep telling me on the street, Sean!”

Donald Jr. insisted that “nobody in MAGA Nation” will continue to take the pandemic enhanced unemployment benefits, even if their governor allows them to.

“MAGA Nation has pride. And when you have pride, you don’t let yourself take unemployment when working four thankless, shitty, meaningless jobs will get you almost half as much,” Trump Jr. said. “So that’s why President Daddy encouraged everyone in MAGA Nation to grow their pride. Even if they’re white! But some tried to tell us that having white pride rallies was somehow bad, can you believe that Sean?”

Donald Jr. told Hannity’s listeners that his dad is “angry and outraged that Sleepy Joe isn’t doing enough.”

“My daddy is really beside himself. He said that Sleepy Joe’s letting people sit on their asses all day and collect money like they’re some kinda Trump, or something,” Donald Jr. whined. “And he’s right Sean! These people are acting like THEY happened to fall out of some rich, white, asshole’s cooter too! The friggin’ nerve of these freeloaders.”


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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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