George Zimmerman seen here walking out with his signature Adam & Eve bag filled with “toys”

Former Cellmate to Auction George Zimmerman’s Prison Dildo

DYLAN, FLORIDA — Though he’s a free man now, for several months George Zimmerman was in jail while he stood trial for killing Trayvon Martin. One of the men who spent time in the same cell as Zimmerman will auction what he calls a “prison dildo” the two shared.

“I was inspired by seeing George put up the gun he used to kill Trayvon,” Hank Glombozzi told our reporter. Hank says that when he saw the news of Zimmerman’s plans to auction the gun he used to kill the unarmed teen he remembered that he’d managed to sneak the prison dildo out of jail, knowing how many times Zimmerman had asked Hank to “plunge that dildo so deep it touched where a normal person’s soul would be.”

Roger Stone Hopes To Still Get Conjugal Visits With Trump’s Ass

The prison dildo, fashioned out bundled up sporks wrapped and tied together with bathroom wash rags, will be auctioned off in June by the Hamm-Fister Auction House in Florida. Glombozzi said he will also have the used butter packets Zimmerman would use for lube with the prison dildo.

“George really loved this thing,” Glombozzi said, “he was kinda teary-eyed the day he was acquitted and they released him from here. He asked if he could come back and have conjugal visits with it, but they told him he’d have to leave Doey, that was his nickname for it, here. So I made sure to hide it in my butt and sneak it out of here when they released me a few weeks later.”

When asked, Glombozzi said he “doesn’t care one bit” that selling the dildo might embarrass or upset Zimmerman.

“It’s not like he has a documented history of violence before, during, and after the time he killed Trayvon,” Glombozzi said, “so I think I’m fine. But then again, he killed a kid for no good reason and bragged about it and is now selling the murder weapon without any regard for Martin’s family’s feelings. He’s not even doing it in a private, unpublicized way. So I guess, kinda, fuck George Zimmerman. Oh, that’s ironic, huh?”

Zimmerman was acquitted of the killing of Martin in 2013, and has had several high-profile violent confrontations, and has even been arrested again.

Trump Pardons Lee Harvey Oswald


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

Tags:

  • Show Comments

Ads

You May Also Like

Alabama Celebrates First Fetal Wedding

RIO SIN DIENTES, ALABAMA — In a sleepy Alabama town, preparations are underway for ...

Local Couple: Sex Was Really Good Until Husband Got Involved

DISAPPOINTMENT GULCH, ARIZONA — In an interview with Couples Weekly, Tabitha and Mick Garrison ...

A 48-year-old Houston man surprised his coworkers after referring to his mom as 'mother' during a recent telephone call.

Area Libertarian Still Calls His Mom ‘Mother’

Houston, TX — A 48-year-old Houston man surprised his coworkers after referring to his ...