Thursday, June 8, 2023

Fox News Promises Trump They’ll Call Him “President” Even After Biden’s Sworn In and Dismantles His Legacy

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Even after the network officially declares the race over, and former Vice President Joe Biden the winner, Fox News does not want its on-air talent calling Biden the “president-elect.” Though it’s a title traditionally given to the person who wins the presidential election, word is that Fox brass want to avoid using the term. It’s unclear at this time if that’s a concession to soon-to-be-former President Trump, but reportedly Fox News is prepared to this one step further.

“We’re being told that Fox News will ask people who appear on their shows to refer to Trump as president forever and ever, literally until he dies,” one network insider told us. “Like, even after Biden is sworn in, and is the actual president, they want people who to keep treating Trump like he’s the real president.”

ALSO: A Handy Guide for Determining How Many of the Votes to Count in a Close Election

It’s not just after Biden is sworn in, either. Our source tells us that Fox News wants to keep calling Trump “President” as Biden systematically dismantles Trump’s legacy as well.

“What the memo is going to say is that basically, even as Trump World’s hopes and dreams come crashing down into the sea,” our source said, “we’re supposed to keep carrying on like Trump won. We’ll be watching them empty his kiddie cages out, but still referring to Trump as the president, I guess.”

Interestingly, Fox News had some even more specific requirements for one of its hosts.

“Sean Hannity has been told that he needs to keep rimming and stroking Trump for the time being,” our source said. “I’m not sure if that means forever until Trump dies, if he has to keep rimming Trump’s corpse, or if this is just until Biden is sworn in. I can’t say. But I do know that Sean didn’t bat an eyelash and knocked over six people rushing out the door to hop a flight for D.C.”

MORE: Trump Asks If It’s Too Late to Run Election on “Golf Scoring”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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