Friday, January 27, 2023

Fox News Worried About Integrity of Trump’s “Worldwide News Network”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — During a conference call with shareholders this morning, a Fox News executive expressed concerns about a new “worldwide news network,” run by the government, which was proposed in a tweet by President Donald Trump.

Mr. Trump’s tweets, below:

Speaking to investors, Fox News Deputy Junior Chief Media Officer Jack Ryerson said that he and his fellow Fox execs are worried about the “integrity” of any news organization started by the Trump administration and questioned whether it would be “biased” or not.

“This is to say, will this new Worldwide News network have the same integrity Fox News has? Will it be as unbiased as we are,” Ryerson asked. “In other words — will they have no integrity and be very biased, since we are?”

Ryerson explained further.

“What I’m getting at is this — will the Worldwide News Network be as biased for Trump as it should be? How can we be assured that this news outlet will be as biased as it truly needs to be,” Ryerson asked rhetorically. “It seems to me like the president already has a perfectly good propaganda outlet, so we’re left wondering how we’ve angered Orange Daddy to the point he’d threaten to replace us.”

Mr. Ryerson said that Fox News consulted with Trump’s previous two wives when he floated this idea last week.

“If anyone knows what it’s like to pretend to like Donald while it benefits them financially, only to be betrayed when some younger, hotter thing crosses his path,” Ryerson said, “it’s Ivana and Marla…and Melania once the president declares daughter banging legal by executive order.”

Fox News aren’t the only ones concerned about this news network — Vladimir Putin and Kim-Jong Un have both expressed reservations.

“Why’s he gotta bit our style so hard? I mean, get your own thing, Donny,” Un was quoted as saying in Fascist Dictator Quarterly.

Mr. Putin expressed similar concerns.

“Why’s my little orange bitch trying to get it on the state run propaganda game? He needs to stick to what he does best,” Putin said, “Doing my laundry and making racist dog whistles seem like immigration policy.”

The White House did not comment on this story.

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.NewsThe Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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