Sunday, January 16, 2022

Gina Carano Sets Up OnlyNaziFans Account

HOLLYWOOB, CALIFORNIA — This week, alleged actress and former human punching bag Gina Carano was officially dropped by LucasFilm, and she will not appear in any more episodes of The Mandalorian, or any of the planned spinoff shows it was presumed she’d be in. Calling her recent social media posts “abhorrent,” LucasFilm cut ties with Carano who had taken to posting anti-masking content and posts that attempted to defend the insurrection on the nation’s capitol. With her future at LucasFilm officially over, some have speculated that Carano might return to getting punched in the head for a living, given that it can’t possibly make the things she says any stupider.

While it’s unclear exactly where she’ll end up, obviously Ms. Carano understands the need to maintain a connection to her social media supporters, as well as to keep some kind of revenue stream open to pay her bills. Sources say that’s why she decided last night to open a new account on a social media app that’s become quite popular since January 6th. It’s a site designed to allow more mature, adult-oriented content to be shared with subscribers, who are “fans.”

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“I don’t know where things are going to end up,” the transphobic former TV star wrote in a tweet, “so I decided to get myself an account on OnlyNaziFans, and I’m offering a 25% discount on your first three months of membership if you’re a Proud Boy, klansman, or wear a MAGA hat in your profile pic, fam!”

Carano hasn’t indicated just exactly what kinds of content she’ll be posting to OnlyNaziFans, but she did drop a couple hints.

“I’ve just been to Barnes & Noble, MASKLESS of course, and bought sixteen crates of books about black history month,” Carano tweeted, “and I think they’ll all burn quite nicely. And who knows, maybe my top will slip off, and you’ll get to see the cool tattoo I got of a broken cross or whatever, on my right tit. OOPSIE!”

Donald Trump Jr, Jack Posobiec, and the Ghost of Joseph Goebbels have already signed up as subscribers.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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