Republican Says Rape Pregnancies Are ‘God Putting One In You’

CHARLESTON, W. VIRGINIA — In 2015, West Virginia Delegate Brian Kurcaba (R) made some eyebrows climb in the national media when he said that while “rape is awful” there is a potential upside to it.

“What is beautiful is the child that could come from this,” said Kurcaba.

The Republican’s comments are alarming to some for how commonplace they have become from within the party. Former Missouri congressman Todd Aiken famously tried to categorize the different forms of rape, infamously referring to it as “legitimate” or not.  Delegate Randal Enkelsinne (R) — one of Kurcaba’s colleagues in the West Virginia state congress —   came to Kurcaba’s defense when contacted by The Political Garbage Chute.


Buy this shirt from our exclusive store!

“Of course the liberal lamestream media is going to pounce all over my colleague’s comments,” Enkelsinne said, “We Republicans can’t say squat about a lady without getting pounced on.”

Enkelsinne insisted that “there has been a fundamental shift in this country” and that “traditionally, men-folk were not only allowed, but encouraged to tell their women-folk what to do with their female who-who-dillies. Now it’s all ‘War on Women’ this and ‘my body, my choice’ that and ‘don’t lay your theocratic mitts on my uterus you backwards thinking jerkface.’ Our country is now lost morally because of it.”

Mr. Enkelsinne said that Kurcaba was trying to convey that “every cloud has a silver lining.”

“It’s just that this cloud is a rape,” Rep. Enkelsinne insisted, “Every rape cloud can have a baby as a silver lining.”

When asked why he feels that a pregnancy resulting from the most violent and dehumanizing attack a woman can face in her lifetime could possibly be mitigated by being impregnated and being forced by law to carry that baby to full term, Enkelsinne replied, “It’s all a matter of perspective. Sure, if you think of a rape as being only about the rape victim, I could see where you’d get the idea that there is nothing good about it. But women-folk just need to shift their perspective.”

We asked Enkelsinne what he meant by that and he said, “They just need to think of a rape baby as God putting one in you, is all. God works in mysterious, sometimes kinda rapey ways. I mean, it’s not like he asked for Mary’s consent before he put the Baby Jesus in her womb, right?”

Former Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal once famously quipped that his party needed to stop being the “stupid party.” While it’s unclear whether West Virginia voters will take Kurcaba’s statements as stupid, it’s safe to say these are the kinds of comments Jindal was hoping his Republican counterparts in other states would stop making. Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus, who commissioned the Republican autopsy, was not immediately available for comment.


RELATED: Florida Rape Victim Skirts Waiting Period and Performs Her Own Abortion With An AR-15

“Look,” Enkelsinne said as he was getting ready to end our phone interview with him, “we’ve tried abortion being legal for over forty years now. And sure, maybe the number of botched back-alley abortions has dropped, and sure maybe if we stopped deluding ourselves about teenage sex and pregnancies and gave them the tools and education to prevent getting pregnant in the first place there’d be an even lesser demand for abortions. But if we don’t live in a country where men can force a victim of rape or incest to carry the rapist’s baby to full term because we assign some mystical, divine constitutional rights to a parasitic life form that has no cognition, no sentient thought and cannot live outside its host organism’s body yet, we don’t live in America anymore.”


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”

More from James Schlarmann

Amazon Working On Rectal Recognition Software So You Always Know Who Dealt It

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON — Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos announced today that his company...
Read More