Washington, D.C. — In a surprise executive order, the Trump Administration announced on Friday that it plans to license and deploy aerial drones to conduct Chemtrail spraying operations. In a lengthy 97 page document, the Administration went into great detail about the need to expand both pharmaceutical and geoengineering operations in a document called “micro implementations.”
According to the plan, entitled “Executive Order 13653: Micro Implementations for Organism and Environment Rebalancing,” it explains how large-scale chemtrail operations with commercial and military Boeing aircraft have been largely a failure, but what has worked is more “localized and targeted spraying,” which “seem to have more efficacy in micro climates and populations.”
One government insider, who spoke to Not Really News under terms of anonymity, said that the large operations were stupid and “did nothing.”
“It turns out,” said the insider, “that when you spray at such high altitudes all you really are doing is making the feeble-minded frightened. Which I suppose has some value in terms of irrational cognitive dissonance and deflection, but it’s certainly not our primary goal, which is psychiatric manipulation and climate control. What does work is local spraying in small, targeted areas where Chemtrail concentrations remain high in ‘pocket communities.'”
The drones will vary in size from what appear to be hobby-type devices all the way up to larger, full-blown military-style ones. The smaller ones will be launched from citizen’s backyards in select communities and participants will receive a sizable credit on their yearly Federal Income taxes.
Big Boy and Baby Boy Take to the Skies
According to the insider, smaller drones will be armed with what looks like CFC-containing hair spray cans for disbursement, but this is just a decoy to not raise anxiety levels. The larger drones will be launched from Beale Air Force Base in California.
“They look like retro aerosol cans and they’ll even sound like it,” continued the insider, “but they have been engineered to supply over 37 minutes of spraying.”
On news that select, yet unconfirmed areas of Nevada and Sierra Counties in Northern California will be part of the initial program, local reaction was mixed.
“Just when my Chemtrail Action Network was winning the battle for the skies with our ‘Just Look Up’ campaign,” said an agitated Mr. Wolford. “Then they announce this. I knew there was a reason for the recent clear skies. And it was because they were re-tooling the equipment for this drone bullshit. We [The Chemtrail Action Network] need to finally reach out the NRA [National Rifle Association] types in the area and take matters into our own hands, if you know what I mean.”
But not everyone was concerned with this development. Some, who traditionally oppose “big government” intervention actually welcomed this new drone program.
This is a prime example of big government working the way it should,” said local pro-private pool and anti-marijuana activist. “The government has two roles: number one, to control our lives and number two to provide sizable tax breaks to the people who own this country. It’s really that simple.”
The government has not announced a launch time frame for this new chemtrail drone program, but Not Really New’s insider said to expect buzzing and spraying around August.