Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Marjorie Taylor Greene Says You Can’t Impeach Former God Emperor Kings

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Freshman Qongresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene is firmly and completely in the MAGA camp. Greene made an instant name for herself as the first congressional candidate to openly embrace a conspiracy theory that Democrats are all Satan worshiping pedophiles and the former, one-term president was sent by God to stop the cabal’s activities.

Greene was one of more than 140 House Confederates who voted against certifying the results of last year’s elections, and helped push the baseless lie that the election was stolen. On her first day in office, Greene filed impeachment papers against President Joe Biden citing more conspiracy theories about Biden’s son Hunter. Today, Ms. Greene told constituents during a virtual town hall meeting that she is completely against impeaching the former president, despite his direct incitement of the mob that violently attacked the U.S. Capitol on January 6th.

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“Let’s just say it plain and simple — the Constitution clearly states that if a sitting God Emperor King wants to stay on the thrones, Democrats are powerless to stop them,” Greene said, crack smoke billowing out from her word wole. “This ain’t me sayin’ it neither! This is, like, fully-full-on in the Constal-toochin or whatever it’s called!”

Greene paused for a moment to smoke some more crack.

“We done already tried to tell those radical left Demotards that they couldn’t in-peach him,” Greene insisted, “but they wouldn’t listen to us. So we had to show ’em the hard way that nobody is above the law except D-list reality TV game show hosts. We’re fixin’ do that again, fam!”

Once more, Greene took the time out of her speech to light up her glass dick and take another big, fat pull. She coughed a little as she exhaled, but didn’t lose a step otherwise.

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“So I hope you’ll join me in sending a message to those literal baby killing demon worshipers,” Greene implored the congregation, “and call your representative today. Demand that Chuck Schumer get to the bottom of whether Satan is the head of the DNC, and leave our Dear President God Emperor King alone, once and for all!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.