Tuesday, October 26, 2021

Greene Volunteers to Help Border Patrol at the Southern Border and Bring Her Own Saddle

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, images of border patrol agents on horseback, using reins as whips to corral undocumented immigrants at the southern border blew up the Internet. While those in the pro-law enforcement/fascism camp have defended the agents, noting that they were technically not using whips with which to whip the people who were being whipped, on social media the outcry was fierce.

There was one member of congress, however, who didn’t just come out in support of the Border Patrol agents, she volunteered to go down to the border herself to “personally assist” in similar operations.

CRUZ: “AS SOON AS TRUMP GIVES THEM BACK, I’LL KNOW IF GETTING VACCINATED CHANGED MY BALLS”

“And I’ll even bring my own saddle, y’all! Any patriotic pony would do the same,” Greene said, slipping in a lie about her age. “It’s just something we MAGAs believe in to our very cores. And if something involves whipping brown people? Well, shit, my wild cousins couldn’t drag me away from the border!”

Border Patrol has said that they are “honored” by Greene’s offer, but that they have more than enough horses for their stormtroopers to ride.

“Congresshorse Greene is a good little mare and she knows what’s right and wrong,” Border Patrol said in a statement, “and her commitment to doing the wrong thing to desperate human beings is honorable. However, currently our inventory of horses is high enough to where she’s not needed, but we will let her know, of course.”

TEXAS OPENS TAMPON CEMETERY FOR GRIEVING ALMOST MOTHERS

Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


 

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.