Friday, March 31, 2023

Grohl University Online Salad Dressing Poll Delivers List Of The Best, The Best, The Best, The Best Of Bleu

Do you love salads? Do you love salads with salad dressings? Do you love salad dressings made with bleu cheese? Do you love salad dressings made with bleu cheese, but only want the best in life? Do you love salad dressings made with bleu cheese, only want the best in life, but aren’t sure which salad dressings that contain bleu cheese are the best of the best?

If you answered “Yes!” to all of those questions, the Grohl University in Kohl, Michigan just hooked you up, big time.

In a newly published opinion poll, researchers at the college were able to identify the best, the best, the best, the best of bleu cheese dressings on the planet. Using the responses from over six or maybe even seven people who are very hardcore about their bleu cheese salad dressing, Grohl U was able to pare down a list of thousands of brands of dressing to give what they feel is the definitive answer to the question that has long burdened salad dressing scholars.

“We think we’ve really narrowed down the enormous field to the best, the best, the best, the best of bleu,” Dr. Coby Kurtbain told us.

But no, this doesn’t mean they identified the five best. Instead, they identified the 4x best, in other words…the best, the best, the best, the best of bleu. It means they believe they have found the dressing that is not only the best, but four times better than any other dressing comes to it. Dr. Kurtbain says she and her team were very surprised that they could narrow down the list of entrants so easily, but within a few days of starting the survey, a clear leader was emerging.

“We were really blown away that nearly every single person we asked gave this one particular bleu cheese as their favorite,” Kurtbain said. “And after some peer review, we determined that we have, without a shadow of a doubt, figured out which dressing is the best, the best, the best, the best of bleu.”

According to the survey, the bleu cheese salad dressing that is far and away considered the best, the best, the best, the best by more people than any other is the Secret Chasm Select Super Chunky Bleu brand dressing. Respondents praised it for it’s “dressing like consistency” and “use of bleu cheese.” The dressing also received high marks for using the French spelling of the word “blue.”

“People were adamant that it just does’t taste the same unless the word is spelled in French instead of English,” Dr. Kurtbain said.

Now that this question has been settled, Grohl University researchers will take on another buzz worthy question that has dogged humankind for all time.

“Can we say definitively that you dealt it if you smelt it? Many just assume it to be true, but we will find out scientifically just how much water that holds,” Kurtbain said. “We couldn’t be more excited.”

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler, and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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